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5 Dumb Things to Expect in a Han Solo Movie
Posted on 2/7/13 at 8:51 am
Posted on 2/7/13 at 8:51 am
8
Posted on 2/7/13 at 8:53 am to TygerTyger
Those of us who are supposed to be working need the list.
Please.
Please.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 8:56 am to alajones
Sorry Ala, here ya go:
Today's news that Disney and Lucasfilm are developing a solo Han Solo Star Wars movie (henceforth known as Solo Han Solo) has brought me down. All my hopes for the next step in Star Wars' growth are dashed. This stuff is going to be cheap, obvious cash-in material.
With that in mind, here are my five guesses for what awful stuff we'll see in Solo Han Solo. My first guess, which is a meta guess, is that most of the Expanded Universe Solo origin/early years stuff is thrown right out the window.
Han Will Shoot First. We already met young Greedo in The Phantom Menace. He'll show back up in Solo Han Solo, and in their first encounter Young Han will open fire immediately. Greedo will say (subtitled) 'He shot first!' Fandom will implode with shame.
We Will See The Origins of the Millenium Falcon. No, not just the thrilling card game where Han won the ship from Lando (although that will be in the movie and will be included in some wacky, unexpected way, like Han and Lando are playing cards in Jabba's dungeon or something). We will actually see the Falcon being built. A young Han - four or five years old - will be transfixed by the ship under construction.... ALMOST AS IF IT'S HIS DESTINY.
We'll Get the Origin of His Vest. Maybe his dad wore it. Maybe an older scoundrel he idolizes wore it. Either way, this movie will go the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade route and show us the gripping origins of Han's fashion sense.
There Will Be A Portentuous Carbonite Scene. Imagine a younger Han in a shootout/chase, running and jumping and almost falling into a vat of Carbonite. Chewie grabs him by the vest at the last moment, saving his life. "Wouldn't want to end up in that stuff," Han says with a horrifying wink at the audience.
We Will Get A Completely Deflating Connection To Obi Wan. One of the great things about the Prequels is that they don't feature Baby Han Solo. George Lucas, for whatever reason, had at least that much common sense. Solo himself isn't caught up in the web of destiny and small universe bullshite that has dragged the Star Wars saga down... yet. In Solo Han Solo we'll learn that Obi Wan knew Han's dad, and we'll see him meeting a young Han, remarking on what a future the boy will have. This will mean that Obi Wan didn't randomly come upon Han and Chewie at Mos Eisley... he was working towards it for decades.
Today's news that Disney and Lucasfilm are developing a solo Han Solo Star Wars movie (henceforth known as Solo Han Solo) has brought me down. All my hopes for the next step in Star Wars' growth are dashed. This stuff is going to be cheap, obvious cash-in material.
With that in mind, here are my five guesses for what awful stuff we'll see in Solo Han Solo. My first guess, which is a meta guess, is that most of the Expanded Universe Solo origin/early years stuff is thrown right out the window.
Han Will Shoot First. We already met young Greedo in The Phantom Menace. He'll show back up in Solo Han Solo, and in their first encounter Young Han will open fire immediately. Greedo will say (subtitled) 'He shot first!' Fandom will implode with shame.
We Will See The Origins of the Millenium Falcon. No, not just the thrilling card game where Han won the ship from Lando (although that will be in the movie and will be included in some wacky, unexpected way, like Han and Lando are playing cards in Jabba's dungeon or something). We will actually see the Falcon being built. A young Han - four or five years old - will be transfixed by the ship under construction.... ALMOST AS IF IT'S HIS DESTINY.
We'll Get the Origin of His Vest. Maybe his dad wore it. Maybe an older scoundrel he idolizes wore it. Either way, this movie will go the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade route and show us the gripping origins of Han's fashion sense.
There Will Be A Portentuous Carbonite Scene. Imagine a younger Han in a shootout/chase, running and jumping and almost falling into a vat of Carbonite. Chewie grabs him by the vest at the last moment, saving his life. "Wouldn't want to end up in that stuff," Han says with a horrifying wink at the audience.
We Will Get A Completely Deflating Connection To Obi Wan. One of the great things about the Prequels is that they don't feature Baby Han Solo. George Lucas, for whatever reason, had at least that much common sense. Solo himself isn't caught up in the web of destiny and small universe bullshite that has dragged the Star Wars saga down... yet. In Solo Han Solo we'll learn that Obi Wan knew Han's dad, and we'll see him meeting a young Han, remarking on what a future the boy will have. This will mean that Obi Wan didn't randomly come upon Han and Chewie at Mos Eisley... he was working towards it for decades.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 8:56 am to TygerTyger
I hate all Star Wars since the 90s.
Showing my nerdness, but I have given real thought on how I will show the 6 movies to my future kids (if not 4-6, 1-3 then 4,5,1,2,6,3). Movies like this really frick up the "universe"
Showing my nerdness, but I have given real thought on how I will show the 6 movies to my future kids (if not 4-6, 1-3 then 4,5,1,2,6,3). Movies like this really frick up the "universe"
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:02 am to TygerTyger
quote:
Han Will Shoot First. We already met young Greedo in The Phantom Menace. He'll show back up in Solo Han Solo, and in their first encounter Young Han will open fire immediately. Greedo will say (subtitled) 'He shot first!' Fandom will implode with shame.
We Will See The Origins of the Millenium Falcon. No, not just the thrilling card game where Han won the ship from Lando (although that will be in the movie and will be included in some wacky, unexpected way, like Han and Lando are playing cards in Jabba's dungeon or something). We will actually see the Falcon being built. A young Han - four or five years old - will be transfixed by the ship under construction.... ALMOST AS IF IT'S HIS DESTINY.
We'll Get the Origin of His Vest. Maybe his dad wore it. Maybe an older scoundrel he idolizes wore it. Either way, this movie will go the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade route and show us the gripping origins of Han's fashion sense.
There Will Be A Portentuous Carbonite Scene. Imagine a younger Han in a shootout/chase, running and jumping and almost falling into a vat of Carbonite. Chewie grabs him by the vest at the last moment, saving his life. "Wouldn't want to end up in that stuff," Han says with a horrifying wink at the audience.
We Will Get A Completely Deflating Connection To Obi Wan. One of the great things about the Prequels is that they don't feature Baby Han Solo. George Lucas, for whatever reason, had at least that much common sense. Solo himself isn't caught up in the web of destiny and small universe bullshite that has dragged the Star Wars saga down... yet. In Solo Han Solo we'll learn that Obi Wan knew Han's dad, and we'll see him meeting a young Han, remarking on what a future the boy will have. This will mean that Obi Wan didn't randomly come upon Han and Chewie at Mos Eisley... he was working towards it for decades.
Having JJ Abrahms doing the flick will probably make sure most of this shite doesn't happen.
He did it in Star Trek, but he's a fan of Star Wars so I doubt he does that cheesey shite in Solo Han Solo.
The list is funny though.
This post was edited on 2/7/13 at 9:02 am
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:03 am to TygerTyger
I have faith that this movie is going to be awesome. Misguided as it may be, but I'm not losing faith.
If we can have all of the nerdgasm that has been the Marvel movies for the last couple of years, why can't we have an awesome Star Wars flick with one of my favorite movies characters of all time?
They can't completely dispense with the EU backstory, a lot of its been established in 4,5,&6. We know Han went to the Imperial Academy. We know Han worked for Jabba. We know Han rescues Chewie who swears him a life debt. We know he and Lando go "way back", and that the Falcon belonged to Lando first.
Have faith, folks. Have faith that fresh direction will lead to solid movies.
If we can have all of the nerdgasm that has been the Marvel movies for the last couple of years, why can't we have an awesome Star Wars flick with one of my favorite movies characters of all time?
They can't completely dispense with the EU backstory, a lot of its been established in 4,5,&6. We know Han went to the Imperial Academy. We know Han worked for Jabba. We know Han rescues Chewie who swears him a life debt. We know he and Lando go "way back", and that the Falcon belonged to Lando first.
Have faith, folks. Have faith that fresh direction will lead to solid movies.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:05 am to TygerTyger
quote:I know I make this point in every Star Wars thread...but what have any of these fanboys turned writers seen since the Ewoks appeared out of the forest that would make someone think that Star Wars hasn't been like this for decades?
All my hopes for the next step in Star Wars' growth are dashed. This stuff is going to be cheap, obvious cash-in material.
Disney will just continue the lineage that Lucas has created.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:09 am to alajones
quote:
.but what have any of these fanboys turned writers seen since the Ewoks appeared out of the forest that would make someone think that Star Wars hasn't been like this for decades?
In their defense, there are several EU novels that make reference to this and how it went down.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:24 am to TygerTyger
I love star wars but doing stand alone movies for the older non jedi characters is not a smart move. How can han solo have any significant good movie with his character? I mean, he can't change as a person during this movie because his character transformation happens in the OT movies...I just don't think this is a necessary movie....I could see doing a yoda movie since he was 900 years old and it could be set in the time of the old republic
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:29 am to Tiger Ryno
I was really hoping that they'd look at some of the other EU material out there. The first few books of the Star Wars: X-Wing Rogue Squadron series are really good.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:33 am to Tiger Ryno
quote:
I love star wars but doing stand alone movies for the older non jedi characters is not a smart move. How can han solo have any significant good movie with his character? I mean, he can't change as a person during this movie because his character transformation happens in the OT movies...I just don't think this is a necessary movie..
Sure he can change. He wasn't born a scoundrel. This can be a good movie, but as these "5 dumb things" clearly points out, this can easily go to shite.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:39 am to TygerTyger
quote:
In Solo Han Solo we'll learn that Obi Wan knew Han's dad, and we'll see him meeting a young Han, remarking on what a future the boy will have.
I don't see this one happening...fwiw.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:39 am to Murray
"delusions of grandeur" will be said
Posted on 2/7/13 at 9:51 am to elprez00
quote:
If we can have all of the nerdgasm that has been the Marvel movies for the last couple of years, why can't we have an awesome Star Wars flick with one of my favorite movies characters of all time?
The only issue I have with it is, was Harrison Ford irreplaceable as Han Solo? Was his performance bigger than the character?
I mean...I love Indiana Jones...but I don;t want to see anyone reboot Indiana Jones, because Harrison Ford IS Indy. I just don't think you can slap a fedora and a whip onto some guy and he's suddenly Indy. I kind of feel the same way with Han Solo.
That being said, I'm eager for the new SW stuff, so I'll cautiously wait and see.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 10:02 am to TygerTyger
#6 Cameo by Harrison Ford.
#7 C3PO and R2D2 make an appearence (more of a guarantee than a dumb thing)
I would love to see Vader in this movie as a bad arse. I can't take his last appearence being a whiney arse bitch.
#7 C3PO and R2D2 make an appearence (more of a guarantee than a dumb thing)
I would love to see Vader in this movie as a bad arse. I can't take his last appearence being a whiney arse bitch.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 10:18 am to gjackx
quote:
In Solo Han Solo we'll learn that Obi Wan knew Han's dad, and we'll see him meeting a young Han, remarking on what a future the boy will have.
I don't see that one happening either. Han is from Corasaunt. If Obi Wan had known his father we would have already met him. Han is 10 years older than Luke so unless Han's father stopped by Tattooine for a beer and got his arse saved by Obi Wan in a bar fight, I don't see it happening.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 11:01 am to thatguy1892
quote:
I don't see that one happening either. Han is from Corasaunt. If Obi Wan had known his father we would have already met him. Han is 10 years older than Luke so unless Han's father stopped by Tattooine for a beer and got his arse saved by Obi Wan in a bar fight, I don't see it happening.
You guys are applying logic and plot integrity to a Lucas project?? Shall I remind you of a few items to consider?
1. R2D2 can fly? But then he can't?
2. Technology in the PREQUELS is more advanced than the SEQUELS
3. C3PO has his memory wiped, but R2D2 knows the story of Anakin's fall to the dark side. He could have tried to communicate this to Luke, Leia, etc.
Be ready for an arse raping, that's all I'm saying.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 11:09 am to TygerTyger
quote:the Jango/Boba effect
In Solo Han Solo we'll learn that Obi Wan knew Han's dad, and we'll see him meeting a young Han, remarking on what a future the boy will have. This will mean that Obi Wan didn't randomly come upon Han and Chewie at Mos Eisley... he was working towards it for decades.
Posted on 2/7/13 at 11:16 am to TygerTyger
quote:
You guys are applying logic and plot integrity to a Lucas project?? Shall I remind you of a few items to consider.
Sure good points. Here's something else to consider, it's not a Lucas project. Last time I checked he'll still have a producer credit which means he'll stop by the set or location and go: looks good. Keep up the good work. That's about it.
People freak out on the guy like "raped their childhood," but I'm pretty sure he gave them one so...
Posted on 2/7/13 at 11:20 am to TygerTyger
I want one of those for my kid
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