re: thoughts on stay at home spouse?

Here's some perspective from a woman:

I teach, so I have experience both at home and at work. It is infinitely easier to handle everything (parenting, housework, cooking, etc) during the summer. Plus, we have time to hang out at the pool. Life is great in the summer, and my husband loves it too. I am less stressed, and he has commented several times that he wishes I could be home all the time. I cherish my summers spending time with our daughter. I am basically a SAHM during the summer.

However, I also love my job. I am fortunate enough to be off work at 3:30 (unless there's something going on after school), and I teach at my daughter's school (private), which is a pretty nice set-up.

The only time I truly wanted to quit my job was when my daughter was very sick last year. She got an infection after ACL surgery, and it was awful trying to work and care for a sick child. She missed a month of school after her surgery. Fortunately, my mother (who is retired), was able to stay with us and help out during that time. I would have had to take unpaid leave if my mom hadn't been able to help out.

That said, having your wife be a SAHM is a good thing as long as you can afford it. It also depends on what sort of wife you have. If she is lazy, forget it. It is not unreasonable to expect a clean house and dinner on the table if your wife stays home, in my opinion. Granted, I am a person of simple tastes with a good work ethic, so "keeping house" is easy to me. My weekends are free for fun things--not just errands and cleaning house.

They post on Facebook a lot. A lot.

Yes, to raise children. The importance they naturally bring in raising children cannot be duplicated by a man or daycare. If you and your spouse don't have kids then get a job and bring in some cash.

I used to think stay at home moms were losers who simply lacked the mental fortitude to make their own way in life.

I have a bunch of kids now and had to convince the wife to give up her rising career stay at home. The screwed up part of that debate was that we both made the same amount of money so it was like I was being chauvinistic but at the end of the day she enjoys staying home with the kids more than I do.

The bad part is that we are house poor now and if I get fired we are in a tough position. We've had to make some sacrifices in terms of being able to afford luxuries. When she worked we were way more comfortable financially.

I also think there's nothing wrong with sending your kids to a reputable daycare. In many ways it works out better because they gain more social skills and are less emotionally dependent. In our case we have one kid who has health problems so we were taking off all the time. Daycare costs for 4 kids is no joke, either.

Id love to make enough to let her quit, but we both keep making more every year and immediately become accustomed to the new household income.

I'm on pto this week while she is working, and there is not a chance in hell either of us could survive not having a job. The working spouse basically becomes the manager of the stay at home spouse, and that wouldn't work for either of us.

If you can afford to why not

I "tolerate" my stay at home wife. I have a 3 year old son and one on the way. It really is a blessing for her to stay at home...as others have pointed out, there isn't anybody who can take care of/raise a child like his own mother can. It's very important during their early developmental years, IMO. Also, the house is always clean, dinner ready when I get home every night, laundry done, errands done, etc.

Honestly, I haven't had to set any expectations because my wife was a teacher, and being around and teaching kids comes naturally to her. She is also smart enough to know how to live on less than my income, so we've never really had to discuss spending habits.

As far as income needed, it all depends on your monthly expenses.

would prefer a spouse with a part time job

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I'd have a hard time putting a baby in daycare.

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Yeah, I couldn't do it. Since we were fortunate enough for me to be able to stay home with the children, it was agreed upon, and I made it very clear long before I had kids, that I would be home while they were younger until they were at least old enough to stay by themselves for a little while in the afternoons if need be. Plus, I always wanted to be involved with them & their school & activities and be available to take them wherever they needed to go. I still do, & will always make that a priority, so my work is rather flexible in that regard. ... Having done both, I can say that when it's done correctly & thoroughly, being home with the kids & tending to all things domestic is much more difficult than any job I've had outside of the home. It's also the most enjoyable & rewarding, though. Additionally, it gave me greater peace of mind being there with them when they were younger. I don't think I would've been much of an asset to my employer while constantly worrying about the kids & stressing about what I was missing. My thoughts definitely would not have been on work, nor would I have wanted to be there, and I think I would've resented it, making me have a pretty bad, unmotivated attitude toward it. My staying home was the best thing for my kids & for me, and my possible employer dodged a bullet by not having me on the payroll at the time.

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My wife would turn into a crazy bitch if she couldn't work. One of the reasons I put a ring on it is because of how much I admire her drive and passion for what she does. I would be against it if she decided to stay home all of a sudden.

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it all changes once they carry that baby