The Onion: The Pros And Cons Of Flying The Confederate Flag

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PROS

- Bold way to display distorted, painstakingly cherry-picked heritage
- Stirring symbol of South’s never-surrender attitude 150 years after South’s surrender
- It’s already all the way up there on flagpole
- Simplest way to let others know your state ranks in bottom quintile of all quality-of-life metrics
- Eliminates uncomfortable feeling of having to say aloud what you think of African Americans
- Political correctness should not get in the way of being on the wrong side of history
- Without it, nation might forget racism ever happened in U.S.

CONS

- Can’t fully grasp its incredible grandeur like you can on a bedspread or garage door
- May arouse negative feelings among blacks regarding 19th-century states’ rights, currency inflation, and sectarianism
- U.S. flag already represents history of entrenched prejudice just as well
- Eliminates tedious raising, lowering, and triangular-folding tasks
- Has always been sad reminder of The Dukes Of Hazzard’s cancellation
- Could give accurate representation as to what kind of person is flying it
- There still plenty of other ways to make nation’s black population feel despised, derided, and inferior

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