re: Recommendation for parents suffering from infant loss

We're way out in Cameroon. He is French and her Cameroonian. Just a wonderful couple.

Sarah's Laughter Support Group

LINK

They were started in Baton Rouge, but have supports groups in other areas now as well.

EDIT: They even have podcast from other who have gone through infertility and loss...

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It's very obvious to me he is taking it badly. What's upsetting for me it seems people are just avoiding their situation.

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just be there for them let them know that you care and your available

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It's actually their second loss in 5 years and I just feel they could use some small support. The poor husband is just devastaed.

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I don't even want to begin to imagine the pain they are feeling.

I think going over for a visit is a good idea, if they are up to it and follow their lead on the conversation. They may want to talk about it, they may not. They may want to hear about your baby, they may not.

Obviously, tell them you are always available if they need to talk, cry, get out of the house, etc.

Ask them if there is anything you can do for them. Chances are they will say no, but ask again in a week, a month, two months. Grief doesn't disappear over night. You could also ask a relative or other friends if they know of anything the couple needs. Or just do a nice gesture without them asking (although I am sure your time is limited with a newborn).

When you visit food is a great idea. Whether its a meal or a bag of groceries.

Another idea if you have funds available would be figure out a way to get them some cash. A funeral for a child will be expensive and not planned for.

As someone who has lost an infant (quite sometime ago), this is very mature and wise input:

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I think going over for a visit is a good idea, if they are up to it and follow their lead on the conversation. They may want to talk about it, they may not. They may want to hear about your baby, they may not.

Obviously, tell them you are always available if they need to talk, cry, get out of the house, etc.

Ask them if there is anything you can do for them. Chances are they will say no, but ask again in a week, a month, two months. Grief doesn't disappear over night. You could also ask a relative or other friends if they know of anything the couple needs. Or just do a nice gesture without them asking (although I am sure your time is limited with a newborn).

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What I learned was that there were many people who knew about our situation. But we didn't hear from that many. I finally figured out it wasn't because they didn't care, but because they didn't know what to say or do and felt awkward. Well, it is awkward. But just reach out. Show up. Be there for them if desired. Or they may want to be left alone, at least some of the time. Showing you care doesn't alleviate the pain but it helps knowing others would help if they could.

Send them flowers

You should reach out in any way you feel comfortable. I wouldn't bring your baby to their house for cocktails just yet but maybe see if they want to go out some time, or just send a bottle of wine with a note. Or just the note. Just don't treat them like lepers

We lost a child last December. He was a week old when he passed. He was our 7th child. He would have been 9 months old today..it's hard on my wife mostly on the monthly anniversary of his birth and death. We had some complications through the pregnancy and knew it was gonna be a tough road after he was born. Everything looked about as well as could be until 2 days old and he started slowly going downhill. Nothing can be said or done really to help with feelings except just being there. We had a pretty good size support group and my wife had a few really close friends who are still helping just be there. She'll just start crying at any time but there's nothing even I can do to help except to hug her and hold her. Just be there..we had friends who shortly after had a baby and it hurts but helps my wife at the same time..hurts to see the growth and what that child is doing but just helps to hold and love on that baby...at first she didn't want more but something clicked and she wanted another one and I asked her some hard questions to see where she was with the grieving process and what her intentions were like if she was just trying to fill in a blank spot..she talked for a long time and convinced me this is something that she truly wanted and now we're expecting a boy around thanksgiving.

Tl;dr version..just be there and be good friends! We don't always have to talk about what we're feeling but sometimes we need to let it out..

We once sent a tree sapling instead of flowers to a couple who lost a child. They planted it next to their swing set.