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Started By
Message
Joke of the evening
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:03 pm
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:03 pm
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Your mom can't take a joke.
Your mom can't take a joke.
12
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:08 pm to pcolatiger28
This post was edited on 6/24/16 at 10:09 pm
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:09 pm to pcolatiger28
Not your best effort
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:23 pm to pcolatiger28
So this old recently deceased lady was talking to St Peter at the Pearly Gates. This woman was just an absolute saint in her life. Well, anyway they're just there ironing out some details when a blood curdling scream is let out coming from behind the gates. The sweet old lady, taken aback, asks St Peter, "My Goodness, what's that?" St Peter responds, "Oh, don't worry about that. They're just drilling out holes in his back so that they can attach his wings."
She isn't really convinced, but she says "ok" and they go on talking for a little while longer. A little while later an even more intense, pain filled shriek fills every corner of heaven with pulsating fear. Exasperated, she asks, "Now what could that possibly be?" St Peter responds, "Oh, that? It's nothing. They're just digging out the holes to attach the halo. No worries."
She's in a bit of a state at this point. She charges off the other direction saying, "frick this shite. I'm going to hell!" St Peter calls off after her, "Wait! No! You don't want to go there. They'll rape and sodomize you!" She replies back, "Well, at least I already have the holes for that!"
She isn't really convinced, but she says "ok" and they go on talking for a little while longer. A little while later an even more intense, pain filled shriek fills every corner of heaven with pulsating fear. Exasperated, she asks, "Now what could that possibly be?" St Peter responds, "Oh, that? It's nothing. They're just digging out the holes to attach the halo. No worries."
She's in a bit of a state at this point. She charges off the other direction saying, "frick this shite. I'm going to hell!" St Peter calls off after her, "Wait! No! You don't want to go there. They'll rape and sodomize you!" She replies back, "Well, at least I already have the holes for that!"
This post was edited on 6/24/16 at 10:29 pm
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:25 pm to pcolatiger28
That's a pretty good joke
Is there any way you could post some more?
Is there any way you could post some more?
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:25 pm to pcolatiger28
Salesman knocks on a door. It's answered by an eight-year-old wearing a smoking jacket. He has a scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other.
Salesman says "Hello young man, are your parents home?".
Kid says, "Does it fricking look like it?".
Salesman says "Hello young man, are your parents home?".
Kid says, "Does it fricking look like it?".
This post was edited on 6/24/16 at 10:28 pm
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:27 pm to northshorebamaman
Man. These jokes are outstanding
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:27 pm to Peazey
Good joke, I like the new take on what can reportedly be a pain in the arse.
quote:
sodomoize
This post was edited on 6/24/16 at 10:28 pm
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:30 pm to soccerfüt
Damn typos. What I don't get is how these typos get saved into my autocorrect or how to delete them from my phones dictionary.
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:48 pm to Peazey
A guy walking along the beach finds a lamp. He attempts to clean it up and a genie pops out. The genie says,"I will give you one wish and one wish is all!"
The guy replies,"genie! I want a dick that touches the floor!"
And BLAMO, the genie cuts off his legs.
The guy replies,"genie! I want a dick that touches the floor!"
And BLAMO, the genie cuts off his legs.
Posted on 6/24/16 at 10:50 pm to touchdownjeebus
That's a fricking good one. I'm going to have to remember that one.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 12:41 am to pcolatiger28
So, this guy with an uncircumcised penis gets fed up with all the weird looks and comments that he's been getting and decides to get his penis circumcised. He starts looking around and finds a doctor who will perform the procedure for him. The doc says, "It'll cost you $400." The guy says, "Ah, that's too much" and leaves to find another doctor.
He eventually finds one, and that second doctor says, "I'll do it for $300." The guy says, "Ah, that's too much" and leaves to find yet another doctor.
He eventually finds one, and the third doctor says, "All right. I'll do it for $250." The guy once again says, "Ah, that's too much" and decides to go about circumcising himself.
He goes home, grabs some scissors, bites down on a stick, and starts cutting. At the end of it all, he looks down at his penis and says, "Ah, that's too much!"
He eventually finds one, and that second doctor says, "I'll do it for $300." The guy says, "Ah, that's too much" and leaves to find yet another doctor.
He eventually finds one, and the third doctor says, "All right. I'll do it for $250." The guy once again says, "Ah, that's too much" and decides to go about circumcising himself.
He goes home, grabs some scissors, bites down on a stick, and starts cutting. At the end of it all, he looks down at his penis and says, "Ah, that's too much!"
Posted on 6/25/16 at 5:37 am to pcolatiger28
Let's clean this up a bit. Why shouldn't you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
They make up everything.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:10 am to foshizzle
5th grade class goes on a field trip to a construction site , so when one boy got home his mother asks what he learned at the construction site to which the boy replies " oh nothing really , the mother says oh come on I see they gave you a hard hat and a tape measure surely you had to lean something ...
So the boy pulls out the tape measure he was given and tells his mom to take the end and walk to the other side of the room and hold it by the wall , so the mother does so and asked is this good , the boy replies a little left , mom says how about now , the boy says a little to the right , mom says is this good , boy replies , well we off by a kunt hair but frick it that will work .....
So the boy pulls out the tape measure he was given and tells his mom to take the end and walk to the other side of the room and hold it by the wall , so the mother does so and asked is this good , the boy replies a little left , mom says how about now , the boy says a little to the right , mom says is this good , boy replies , well we off by a kunt hair but frick it that will work .....
This post was edited on 6/25/16 at 6:16 am
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:19 am to tigerswin03
count ...... Wtf why you can't post unt with a c , it comes out count ..... Is this a board rule ,
The decline is real
The decline is real
This post was edited on 6/25/16 at 6:22 am
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:26 am to tigerswin03
I am in the building business and we don't all use such foul language. That joke is offensive.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:29 am to LCA131
Shut the frick up
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:30 am to LCA131
frick off , how about that offensive enough for you
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:33 am to tigerswin03
Well this thread isnt very Christian anymore
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:34 am to tigerswin03
Awesome. Sounds like a Lil Johnny joke. Never tried to type count.
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