If America was a House party...

This what each state would be doing at the house party.

Alabama
Out in the backyard with a shotgun challenging Mississippi to a shotgun duel where the loser also has to shotgun a case of beers.


Arkansas
Arkansas doesn’t do parties, because it believes alcohol is a sin that leads to pre-marital sex. Still, Arkansas is at home having anal sex because it technically didn’t take her virginity.

Florida
Florida brought the keg and a bunch of crab legs from Publix. They also inexplicably have a New York accent.


Georgia
Georgia is drunk and watching football on the couch. He’s been yelling at the screen for 20 minutes

Kentucky
Kentucky is complaining about the lack of country on New York’s playlist and downing bourbon like they’ve been possessed by the angry ghost of Jack Daniel’s.

Louisiana
Louisiana got drunk at home and decided to go out on Bourbon Street instead. The night ended with Louisiana fighting a sketchy coke dealer in a back alley in New Orleans and a trip to the police station for possession.

Mississippi
Mississippi keeps changing the channel to the SEC prime time game and telling stories about tailgates at the Grove to anyone who will listen. They also wore seersucker, just because.

Missouri
Missouri thought it was a barn party and showed up to an empty field in the middle of nowhere with a gallon of moonshine, a Mizzou highlight reel DVD and an iPod full of 90s country.

South Carolina
South Carolina is too busy hunting and fishing to check Facebook for the party invite.

Tennessee
Tennessee took control of the DJ stand to put Wagon Wheel on repeat before throwing a bottle of whiskey at New York and being distracted with shots in the kitchen. Tennesse had to get Arkansas to drive him home, which was a bad idea, because she lectured him the whole time.


Texas
Texas is walking around the party with his gun out yelling about government takeovers and Obama between pulls from a bottle of cheap whiskey. Texas’ friend Austin is hanging out with Washington and Colorado.