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George Carlin - One of the great philosophers of our time.
Posted on 7/13/17 at 6:58 pm
Posted on 7/13/17 at 6:58 pm
And he got better as he grew older. Some of my favorites:
I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shite out by myself in the third grade.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to frick in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.
What is your favorite philosophical comment from the late, great, George Carlin?
I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shite out by myself in the third grade.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to frick in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.
What is your favorite philosophical comment from the late, great, George Carlin?
36
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:02 pm to Jax-Tiger
Selling is legal. fricking is legal. Why isn't selling fricking legal?
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:02 pm to Jax-Tiger
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:03 pm to Jax-Tiger
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:05 pm to Jax-Tiger
So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfricker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:05 pm to Jax-Tiger
I really liked his comparison of baseball to football.
I guess that really isn't a philosophy on life, though.
I guess that really isn't a philosophy on life, though.
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:05 pm to Jax-Tiger
quote:
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:06 pm to Jax-Tiger
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to frick in the first place? There’s such balance in nature
Can't say I agree with this one
Can't say I agree with this one
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:06 pm to East Coast Band
"In baseball you want to go home. And be safe."Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:06 pm to Jax-Tiger
Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:07 pm to Jax-Tiger
quote:
The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages … And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn’t going anywhere. WE are!
We’re going away. Pack your shite, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Maybe a little Styrofoam … The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.
The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed. And if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice toward plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?”
Plastic… a-hole.
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:11 pm to Jax-Tiger
I saw him at the Kennedy Center in 1987. There are too many great quotes to choose a favorite, so I'll just go with:
Rat shite!
Bat shite!
Dirty old twat!
69 assholes tied in a knot!
Yaaaaaaaaaayy lizard shite!
frick!!!!!
Rat shite!
Bat shite!
Dirty old twat!
69 assholes tied in a knot!
Yaaaaaaaaaayy lizard shite!
frick!!!!!
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:16 pm to RogerTheShrubber
Roger - that's why he is one of the great philosophers of our time...
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:23 pm to Jax-Tiger
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:25 pm to Jax-Tiger
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:31 pm to Jax-Tiger
You'd have to be a goddamn moron to downvote this op
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:47 pm to GregMaddux
quote:
You'd have to be a goddamn moron to downvote this op
Well, as George eloquently put it:
quote:
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:49 pm to Jax-Tiger
His "guys named Todd" bit cracks me up. Although Todd and Kyle sound tougher than Grayson and Aiden these days.
Posted on 7/13/17 at 7:58 pm to Ric Flair
From one of my favorite routines on "Germs".
In prisons, before they give you lethal injection, they swab your arm with ALCOHOL. Wouldn't want some guy to go to hell AND be sick. Fear of germs, why these frickin' pussies. You can't even get a decent hamburger anymore they cook the shite out of everything now 'cause everyone's afraid of FOOD POISONING! Hey, wheres you sense of adventure? Take a frickin' chance will you? Hey you know how many people die of food poisoning in this country? Nine thousand, thats all, its a minor risk.
In prisons, before they give you lethal injection, they swab your arm with ALCOHOL. Wouldn't want some guy to go to hell AND be sick. Fear of germs, why these frickin' pussies. You can't even get a decent hamburger anymore they cook the shite out of everything now 'cause everyone's afraid of FOOD POISONING! Hey, wheres you sense of adventure? Take a frickin' chance will you? Hey you know how many people die of food poisoning in this country? Nine thousand, thats all, its a minor risk.
This post was edited on 7/13/17 at 8:42 pm
Posted on 7/13/17 at 8:24 pm to Jax-Tiger
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
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