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Any OTers With Long Distance Shared Parenting Agreements
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:46 am
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:46 am
My daughter is 13 and she currently lives in Charleston. Her mother married a military guy when my daughter was five and they moved to Texas and then Charleston. He has received orders for Germany for two years. I'm just trying to gauge what is fair for visitation and travel costs. I meant to include that we were never married so it was a child out of wedlock deal. I still support my child and get her for 6-7 weeks in the summer, half of Christmas break, and all of spring break, plus any trips I want to make to see her. With the move to Germany, this will be a little more difficult. Do you think its fair that I would have to pay for half of all travel costs being that her mom is the one moving her out of the country, not me? My wife is arguing saying that I shouldn't have to pay any of the travel costs but I know how the courts work and I doubt its worth fighting this. I'm trying to avoid lawyers and red tape and work this out between the two of us. Do any of you guys have long distance parenting agreements setup? If so, how is travel handled and how much visitation do you get each year? TIA
11
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:49 am to pcolatiger28
My ex and I split the travel costs.
I get the kids all summer, all of Christmas break, and all of Spring break. However, this was not a decision that the court made. It was what we agreed to.
ETA: I also can get them on long weekends during the school year, but I cover those travel costs.
I get the kids all summer, all of Christmas break, and all of Spring break. However, this was not a decision that the court made. It was what we agreed to.
ETA: I also can get them on long weekends during the school year, but I cover those travel costs.
This post was edited on 10/11/16 at 11:55 am
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:54 am to pcolatiger28
my advice to you is to do what you feel you need to do to spend the time that you'd like to with your daughter, stay out of the courts, as they will not enforce any "ruling" that may be in your favor, don't spend the money on lawyers to obtain said "rulings," spend that on doing what you need to do to see your daughter
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:59 am to pcolatiger28
quote:
My wife is arguing saying that I shouldn't have to pay any of the travel costs but I know how the courts work and I doubt its worth fighting this.
If you can agree on this point, sign a consent judgment.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:06 pm to pcolatiger28
A friend of mine from high school would spend a year in America with his father and the next in Australia with his mother. They did this from middle school on. He eventually ended up there for good while his sister and father live over here. Seems like a terrible situation.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:11 pm to FearTheFish
I don't have any experience here, but 2 hours of lawyer time is 1 flight worth of expense. So you'll probably just be better off paying for the flights or whatever your wife won't pay for. I would be surprised if you can't get close to splitting the costs. Also, it may be better for her to spend more time in fewer stays than doing more shorter stays.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:12 pm to pcolatiger28
SO lives on the Northshore, her ex lives in Dallas. Her kid goes to see his dad for a couple of weeks 3-4 times a year. Other than that, and paying child support, he's not involved. Good in that there aren't a lot of conflicts over how she's raising her son. Bad in that her ex is emotionally distant and clearly doesn't give much of a shite, and the kid picks up on that, which is obviously not an ideal situation.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:19 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
Bad in that her ex is emotionally distant and clearly doesn't give much of a shite,
I'd be careful before making that assumption, particularly if that is the just what you hear from your SO, exes have have pretty one-sided accounts of the situation and can be pretty devious and insidious about making it hard for the other parent to have time with the kid(s)
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:24 pm to pcolatiger28
No advice on this one, but I can't imagine not being able to see my daughter but on special occasions. Such a sad situation.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:28 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
I'd be careful before making that assumption, particularly if that is the just what you hear from your SO, exes have have pretty one-sided accounts of the situation and can be pretty devious and insidious about making it hard for the other parent to have time with the kid(s)
Well this guy moved out of them on Christmas Eve a few years ago without telling them where he was going, so there's that.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:33 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
Well this guy moved out of them on Christmas Eve a few years ago without telling them where he was going, so there's that.
ok, you didn't share that, but having experience in this matter, and watching friends go through this ordeal, the ex wife is usually spinning the yarn about the deadbeat dad that doesn't give a shite about the kids, yadda, yadda, yadda, and at the first few tellings, usually gets the benefit of the doubt, particularly with the person that is in a relationship with them, btw, do you know for a fact that he walked out on them, or is that just what she's told you? not being argumentative, just asking
This post was edited on 10/11/16 at 12:36 pm
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:50 pm to pcolatiger28
I can tell you that I pay 100% of the travel costs for my step son. The court actually said we had to because it was my wife that decided to move away from the marital home. As long as she stayed within 150 miles of the previous marital home, they split the cost, once she went beyond that point, she had to assume all costs.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:52 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
btw, do you know for a fact that he walked out on them, or is that just what she's told you? not being argumentative, just asking
Yeah, we had some mutual friends, and I heard about it at the time.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:55 pm to BayouBrawl
quote:
I can tell you that I pay 100% of the travel costs for my step son.
you're a good man, and one of the few instances I've heard of someone that is abiding by a court ruling, it doesn't take the ex long to find out that they really don't have to abide by a judge's ruling, and they can really run the tab up for the their ex by making him go back to court to get more rulings/admonitions that can't be enforced
This post was edited on 10/11/16 at 12:56 pm
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:56 pm to Jim Rockford
ok, I see
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:58 pm to pcolatiger28
You'll pay if it is worth it
They won't be there forever. So if just bear the brunt
They won't be there forever. So if just bear the brunt
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:59 pm to pcolatiger28
If she comes to you for 6-7 weeks during the summer, a week during Christmas and then on Spring break, yall can't do something where her mother buys her ticket to come to you and then you buy her ticket back? If they will be in Germany for only two years, other than the times she comes to you, yall can just communicate through skype. I don't think it would be reasonable to expect you to have to take time off to go to Germany several times, etc.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 1:31 pm to pcolatiger28
My folks split when I was 8 with 2 younger siblings. At first we only saw our mom per the court agreement, but as they (my parents) got older they realized what is best for the kids is what they should do. By the time I was driving they had already quit acting like children and whomever was better at parenting in each situation parent. Hell I spent the night wherever I wanted by the time I was in high school.
I say all of that to say that whatever is best for your daughter is what you need to fight tooth and nail for. The four of you (You, mom, stepmom, and stepdad) need to sit down and discuss how everything is going to work. You owe it to your kid to do what is best for her.
I do also know that unless something has changed in the last 5 years, you as the father have to sign permission allowing your child out of the country.
I say all of that to say that whatever is best for your daughter is what you need to fight tooth and nail for. The four of you (You, mom, stepmom, and stepdad) need to sit down and discuss how everything is going to work. You owe it to your kid to do what is best for her.
I do also know that unless something has changed in the last 5 years, you as the father have to sign permission allowing your child out of the country.
Posted on 10/11/16 at 3:21 pm to JamalSanders
We agreed to 50/50 on travel costs, which I'm fine with, most of the summer, half of Christmas break, and an extended spring break which I get every year. Her mom may also make an additional trip each year as well and I will get half of that time. This was much better and cheaper than the courts. Thank you for the advice guys!
Posted on 10/11/16 at 3:32 pm to pcolatiger28
Don't let your ex and another man take your daughter out of the country. Fight like hell for full custody, at least during the 2 year deployment.
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