'Twas the night before The World Series
And all through the park
No player was stirring
Not even a spark

With Ernie in jersey
And Ron in his hat
We had just realized
Mel said "How about that"

When from up in the rafters
There came such a clatter
It was like Mitch Williams
Just hit another batter

I sprang out of my chair back
And across many bleachers
For before was a site
Of some incredible creatures

On Bryant, on rizzo, on zobrist and Russell
On Hendricks, on chapman, on Lester and lackey
Keep hitting the ball and show them your muscle
Watch your balls and your strikes and avoid a big scuffle

And then with a pop top I heard near the fridge
The sound of some suds being drunk with no lid
I scooped up the snacks and everything else I could carry
I came around the corner and HOLY COW it was Harry

He was dressed in a shirt unbuttoned and greasy
Some smooth rayon pants that were very very cheesy
A six pack of bud light he had over his shoulder
And a boil on his neck as big as a boulder.

His eyes were glassed over and he was totally drunk
And his breath smelled of cheese and the arse of a skunk
His very large glasses engulfed his face
And he spit when he talked all over the place

He was large, white and messy
It was quite the sight
He couldn't stand up straight
He was in quite a plight

He did not shut up while he opened a beer
He had no real enemies, no one to fear.
The crowd they were ready for a great fight
And he made sure the that it was all just so right

The scooped up the mic and got his stat sheet out
He would call the game fairly even if was a route
And I heard him exclaim right after the anthem
Is it the 7th inning yet I have to go to the bathroom

And as the lights came up and the dew burnt off
He drooled and burped and started to cough
I heard him exclaim as the Cubs took the field
Play ball!

Not the best but was strapped for time. Go Cubs!!!!!!!!