In the Sentiment of Being Civil to South Carolina ...

To the Peace Loving Villagers of South Carolina:

Our friends, why do you struggle against us? Why do you persist in the mistaken belief that you can win freely and openly against us?

Your leaders have lied to you. They have led you to believe that you are more powerful than we. They have led you to believe you can win. They have given you false hopes. They have deceived their own people. We have nothing but affection for South Carolina.

You have heard that the power of our Intercontinental Ballistic Leonard Fournette is a myth. The existence of this powerful running back missile has been questioned. Intercontinental Ballistic Leonard Fournette is real. It can destroy you.

Signed: A free message from the Louisiana State University of America.