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Sometimes when I get angry, I will blurt out some German, as it is as vulgar as my tongue will allow.

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If Alabama is like a colon, then Baldwin County is its cecum, that tiny, trivial tail dangling into the depths, squeezed between a triangular bay and the wilderness of western Florida.

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You’re trying to describe an appendix. You obviously do a good bit of research for these so try not fricking up basic biology in the first sentence, mmmkay?

Let’s circulate a story that Neptune was a big slaveowner in the old south and see what happens.

A little backstory on the dinosaurs. The previous landowner of that area was quite eccentric. Back in the 60's and 70's he erected a handful of dinosaurs just for his own enjoyment...there was no public access. They were just out in the woods...very creepy if you stumbled upon one not knowing. Pilots at NAS Pensacola used them for training waypoints. So when Barber bought the land they played homage to the old landowner by erecting new ones and I think re-doing some of the older ones.

Two words. "National treasure."