re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been

My grandmother picked me and 2 brothers up from elementary school one afternoon.

All 3 of us piled into the back seat, and within 2 minutes it was a royal rumble, all 3 of fighting.

She starting yelling at us and slapping at us.

I thought I’d learned a new vocabulary word, and it seemed like the perfect situation to use it.

So I yelled back at her in the front seat, “Gah, Meemaw, you’re always so HORNY!!!”

She swerved into oncoming traffic, narrowly missing a head on collision, and skidded off into the grass. She jumped out of the car, ripped the back door open and screamed at me “what did you say!?!?!”

And I repeated it. Again. With determination...

Apparently the word I was looking for was ORNERY

















30 something years later, still can’t hear the word “horny” without cringing

quote:

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2. In Church with the entire family on Easter Sunday. Sister on one side of me, cousin Chuck on the other. Preacher announces that this kid, with a high squeaky Texas drawl voice was going to sing a solo. It was god awful. I tell myself that if I look over at Chuck or my sister I'm going to crack up. I finally look at Chuck, he breaks up and I break up then my sister breaks up.

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this reminds me of a fun story (not embarrassing). my family doesn't do religion, but my sister (no pics) went to a catholic school. on all of her religion homework assignments, my dad would always tell her to put "god is love" as the answer for everything. he'd be like "well it's not wrong, is it? they can't count it as wrong." Became a running joke for years and years, any time she would ask for help on homework, our whole family would just say "god is love."


Fast forward - sister is graduating high school. My parents, my brother, and I are all at the ceremony. the priest is giving his spiel and he's like "I want to leave you all with 3 words today. 3 words that you can always think of in times of trouble. 3 words that can calm you in the most difficult of situations. 3 words to live by. Just 3 simple words."

At this point my brother and I are holding our breath. We know it's coming. We look at our dad, who is trying not to look at us, but he has the slightest hint of a grin.

"God.
Is.
Love."

My sister's head shoots over to us from the crowd of graduates and we all just explode with laughter. The assembly hall is really quiet and everyone is looking at us like wtf. Yall know how things are 100x funnier when you have to laugh quietly (think the ahoy matey story, omg i can only imagine lmao), and this was no exception. We couldn't stop laughing for the remainder of the ceremony. My sister is walking the stage and posing for the camera and she just can't stop laughing. Some of the most cathartic laughs of my entire life