re: Average time it takes to go "number two"

I don't get it. I know many people that bring their cell phone with them into the john and spend time on social media or have a book/magazine to read. I'm far to busy/fast to deal with that.

I get in (seconds)
drop pants and sit (seconds)
start (5-10 seconds)
the act itself (20-30 seconds at most)
crank up the bidet (10 seconds)
wipe dry (5-10 seconds)
stand, pull up pants, tuck in shirt, button, and buckle (5 seconds)

and at that point I'm going to wash hands and such.

I'd venture to say that, unless I'm sick, I'm in and out of the thrown room within 2-3 minutes... average slightly under 2 minutes.