re: The 50 U.S. individual states if they were actually people in a bar..

quote:

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Alabama is a 5'5, middle aged, pretentious white male with a BMI of 35, diabetes and periodontal disease, sniffling and throwing back his 4th natural light. Shivering, he wipes his teary eyes on his white stained crimson tide fleece jacket passed down to him from his favorite uncle Jimmy. The bartender turns to him and asks "Son, Are you okay? Can I get you anything?". "Just give me a second", he solemnly replies. Just at that moment, a replay of the infamous 2013 Iron Bowl Auburn victory over Alabama plays on ESPN Classic. His face turns beet red, and, shaking violently, he turns to the bartender and exclaims...."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

Later that night, after polishing his Bear Bryant shrine with his tears and father's handkerchief, he heads over to his sister's room. "I need some relief he tells her." She asks him to lock the door and make sure not to wake up mom and dad. He giggles and quietly closes the door, inching towards her hello kitty bedroom set.

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