re: So my SO left me last night

I'm also a alcoholic, I'm not gonna lie. I don't know what you are going through, but with me my issues seem to come from depression.

I don't think I have ever found as much joy in life as others did, even when I was younger and didn't drink. Most of my joy used to come from either getting appraisal from my parents, or doing something that made other people like me, think I was funny, etc... nothing I did really made me happy unless it was something that made other people like me more (for whatever reason).

I drink regularly now, but I don't get stupid or act a fool... I'm actually a very intelligent person, and (believe it or not) drinking lowers me to a level that makes it easier for me to find the humor in things that I normally wouldn't. Along with pleasure in things that I normally wouldn't.

If you are depressed and an alcoholic... I feel your pain. And I'm sorry... I understand the pain of trying to go day to day and find enough joy in it to be happy, while at the same time feeling like the majority of that happiness comes from alcohol uplifting the situation.

I'm not sure if it was alcohol, my view on life and the world, etc... but I just stopped caring about stupid material shite...

People seem to get joy out of sharing the watch they bought, the shoes they saw, the video game they own... etc.... None of that really fuels my fire...