re: Honestly, all jokes aside. What would make MLB more marketable in the South?

Because Americans hate European pretentiousness. Especially if it's faked and forced.

We like Armani because it's Armani and authentic. We like Bayern Munich because they're fantastic and authentic. But if you name an MLS team "Bayern Minneapolis" that is inauthentic and dumb, and Americans will be able to sense that.

Just name the team "Minneapolis Abominables" and call them the "Bombers". It's cool because Minny is cold and the Abomianable Snowman is fricking cool and cold. And American. And what the frick is "Reyalll" or "Bayern" or "Sporting" or "Chevis" or "FC" anyway?