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Started By
Message
"Just Another Mike the Tiger Rant"----And I Actually Agree with this Guy
Posted on 9/25/14 at 7:47 pm
Posted on 9/25/14 at 7:47 pm
For those of you who missed this post on the Score Board (made the SB Nation Schadenfreud post):
Hi Boys and Girls. Gather 'round and the ole' Barrister will tell you a story from yesteryear. Back when TIGERS really roamed TIGER STADIUM. Oh, now little ones...I know what you are thinking. ...you just watched the Tigers the play didn't you? Well, what I bet you didn't know is that Tiger Stadium used have a REAL LIVE BENGAL TIGER. No...really...it is true. Just ask you grandfather...or your mom...or anyone who went to LSU games...say...4 freakin years ago BEFORE WE GOT MIKE " I-AM-TOO-SCARED-OF-THE-THE -SPOOKY-TRAILER" VI.
So here is the deal....we are supposed to be the FIGHTING TIGERS, right? I remember when we would park that trailer next to the tunnel where other teams would run out and the sight of a HUGE BIG BENGAL TIGER was actually kinda unsettling to some of the opposing players. I have heard them say so in interviews. Hell, we loved hearing MIKE V GROWL and ROAR over the stadium loudspeakers. Unless, we are playing the Mighty OBAWASHEE STATE WADING POOL TOYS the opposing team has no reason to fear our Mascot.
Now, don't get me wrong. I LIKE MIKE. Heck, I LOVE MIKE ! If I was a big Tiger and LSU had me in that big ole spread I would swim, eat, and sleep my butt off too. Who I am really chapped at is the bleeding hearts at the VET SCHOOL.
"OOOO...let's not put him in the trailer for this game because we switched him to a new food 3 weeks ago and we are worried the ride may upset his tummy." "OOOO..we can't expect Mike to make the game today because he was up late last night getting his fur brushed out and he needs his rest."
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD !!!!! I WANT MY STADIUM MASCOT BACK !!!
The VEGANS at the VET school can "tranQ'" his rear-end every time they want to let some FRESHMAN brush his teeth, but they won't blow a dart in that butt and drag him up in the trailer a couple of hours before KICK-OFF? Let him wake up in the trailer surrounded by a couple of big Rib-Eyes from Whole Foods. Heck....send me the bill ( but only if I can get the TAF points for it).
I am sick of seeing other schools ROCK THEIR MASCOTS on national TV every Saturday. BUFFALOS charging across fields, EAGLES swooping from the top of stadiums, TROJANS on HORSEBACK....heck...that fat, UGA sitting on a bag of ice is frickin more bad-to-the-bone than MIKE is right now. At least he comes to the games..
Isn't there anyway we can run that TIGER out on the field in pre-game? NOW THAT would be a pre-game show. Let's put a couple of long poles on each side and some strong handlers and just sprint that lazy fat feline 100 yards.....preferably after opposing team takes field. ( Ok...joking a little there...but)
Gotta bring back the BITE to TIGER STADIUM.
Hi Boys and Girls. Gather 'round and the ole' Barrister will tell you a story from yesteryear. Back when TIGERS really roamed TIGER STADIUM. Oh, now little ones...I know what you are thinking. ...you just watched the Tigers the play didn't you? Well, what I bet you didn't know is that Tiger Stadium used have a REAL LIVE BENGAL TIGER. No...really...it is true. Just ask you grandfather...or your mom...or anyone who went to LSU games...say...4 freakin years ago BEFORE WE GOT MIKE " I-AM-TOO-SCARED-OF-THE-THE -SPOOKY-TRAILER" VI.
So here is the deal....we are supposed to be the FIGHTING TIGERS, right? I remember when we would park that trailer next to the tunnel where other teams would run out and the sight of a HUGE BIG BENGAL TIGER was actually kinda unsettling to some of the opposing players. I have heard them say so in interviews. Hell, we loved hearing MIKE V GROWL and ROAR over the stadium loudspeakers. Unless, we are playing the Mighty OBAWASHEE STATE WADING POOL TOYS the opposing team has no reason to fear our Mascot.
Now, don't get me wrong. I LIKE MIKE. Heck, I LOVE MIKE ! If I was a big Tiger and LSU had me in that big ole spread I would swim, eat, and sleep my butt off too. Who I am really chapped at is the bleeding hearts at the VET SCHOOL.
"OOOO...let's not put him in the trailer for this game because we switched him to a new food 3 weeks ago and we are worried the ride may upset his tummy." "OOOO..we can't expect Mike to make the game today because he was up late last night getting his fur brushed out and he needs his rest."
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD !!!!! I WANT MY STADIUM MASCOT BACK !!!
The VEGANS at the VET school can "tranQ'" his rear-end every time they want to let some FRESHMAN brush his teeth, but they won't blow a dart in that butt and drag him up in the trailer a couple of hours before KICK-OFF? Let him wake up in the trailer surrounded by a couple of big Rib-Eyes from Whole Foods. Heck....send me the bill ( but only if I can get the TAF points for it).
I am sick of seeing other schools ROCK THEIR MASCOTS on national TV every Saturday. BUFFALOS charging across fields, EAGLES swooping from the top of stadiums, TROJANS on HORSEBACK....heck...that fat, UGA sitting on a bag of ice is frickin more bad-to-the-bone than MIKE is right now. At least he comes to the games..
Isn't there anyway we can run that TIGER out on the field in pre-game? NOW THAT would be a pre-game show. Let's put a couple of long poles on each side and some strong handlers and just sprint that lazy fat feline 100 yards.....preferably after opposing team takes field. ( Ok...joking a little there...but)
Gotta bring back the BITE to TIGER STADIUM.
This post was edited on 9/25/14 at 9:05 pm
16
Posted on 9/25/14 at 7:54 pm to homietate
quote:
The VEGANS at the VET school can "tranQ'" his rear-end every time they want to let some FRESHMAN brush his teeth, but they won't blow a dart in that butt and drag him up in the trailer a couple of hours before KICK-OFF?
Nobody wants to drug Mike up and parade him around like Vercingetorix.
Posted on 9/25/14 at 8:03 pm to homietate
Peej?
TL;DR
TL;DR
Posted on 9/25/14 at 8:07 pm to homietate
A lil Xanax to get him in his cage 7 times/year is ok with me. 
Posted on 9/25/14 at 8:08 pm to homietate
#BringBackTheRoar
Posted on 9/25/14 at 8:16 pm to homietate
I don't really know what to think about this. Makes sense though. At least a lot of the others make the effort to show up. Although, I'm not sure about homietate's sanity if he thinks two guys with big poles could run him out on the field.
Posted on 9/25/14 at 8:24 pm to homietate
I have been wondering why we never see our mascot. Something is fishy about him never showing up.
Posted on 9/25/14 at 8:56 pm to homietate
It's up to Mike. Why don't you try getting him in the trailer if it's so easy?
Posted on 9/25/14 at 9:22 pm to homietate
He's just like most of our fans; enjoys the tailgating and pre-game festivities but doesn't care much about being in the stadium.
Posted on 9/25/14 at 10:06 pm to homietate
I agree. Get Mike in the trailer and in the stadium.
This post was edited on 9/26/14 at 12:04 am
Posted on 9/25/14 at 11:17 pm to homietate
That was hilarious and I agree with it all
Posted on 9/25/14 at 11:19 pm to homietate
I remember when we used to chant, "Poke 'em with a stick!" 
Posted on 9/25/14 at 11:43 pm to homietate
Threads like this remind me of how many mouthbreathing knuckledraggers we have in our fan base. 
Posted on 9/25/14 at 11:57 pm to homietate
That is funny. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the repost
Posted on 9/26/14 at 5:45 am to homietate
Never drink and post again. Matter of fact bring your computer or phone or whatever you posted this on in your backyard and beat it with a baseball bat like on Office Space.
Posted on 9/26/14 at 6:46 am to homietate
I can 100% assure you. There are no "Freshmen" students at the vet school. That's the exact same as saying a "freshman" over at Med School. You have to complete a certain amount of college courses before you ever get to apply, and maybe 200 out of over a thousand get an interview. Of those 200, 85-90 will be accepted every year in the fall.
It's harder to get into vet school than it is any other professional school. Trust me, there are no "freshmen".
Regarding Mike VI: he's a 500-600ib non-domesticated wild animal. You can't whistle for him to come and he comes running. If he doesn't want to get in the cage, he isn't going to the game. If the vets that are responsible for his care, and monitor him regularly think it would be potentially harmful to get him in the trailer, he isn't going to the game. At the end of the day, whether or not Mike is there is irrelevant if the product on the field is not better than the opposition.
It's harder to get into vet school than it is any other professional school. Trust me, there are no "freshmen".
Regarding Mike VI: he's a 500-600ib non-domesticated wild animal. You can't whistle for him to come and he comes running. If he doesn't want to get in the cage, he isn't going to the game. If the vets that are responsible for his care, and monitor him regularly think it would be potentially harmful to get him in the trailer, he isn't going to the game. At the end of the day, whether or not Mike is there is irrelevant if the product on the field is not better than the opposition.
Posted on 9/26/14 at 10:36 am to homietate
stop inbreeding g'dammit
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