re: 2005 Gold Cup Final

quote:

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Actual caption: “On the fence but not for long, Brian McBride is a forward with an amazing aerial act. He’s in a Prada cotton shirt, $360, and pants, $390. At Barneys New York.”

Corrected caption: “Why, hello there. I was just stretchin’. Just stretchin’ out my body here on this fence. Like my outfit? It cost $750 at Barneys. It’s not so bad for stretchin’ in. It’s OK. Could be better. This chain-link fence is my main stretchin’ spot. I like the way the chain links feel on my hands. Not sure if you noticed this, but, uh, there’s a pretty funny pattern on my pants.”

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quote:

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Actual caption: “DaMarcus Beasley, a 20 year-old midfielder from Fort Wayne, Ind., wears a Jil Sander ramie shirt, $530. At Jil Sander, San Francisco.”

Corrected caption: “‘Sup?”

Analysis: Say what you will about DaMarcus Beasley, he’s the only member of the “Boys of Soccer” retinue who looks at all comfortable with himself in this photo shoot. He’s just chilling on some grass here, not fending off paralyzing psychosexual panic derived from personal knowledge of the counter-masculine qualities often attributed to soccer players by the American public and a not-rocket-science vision of how certain cues in this photo shoot will be interpreted. He’s just like, “Hey.” You would also rest fairly easy if you knew the Jil Sander shirt they’d given you cost only $530 but your “7” medallion was worth $400 million cold.

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