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Started By
Message
re: Question for married couples with unmarried friends..
Posted on 7/10/14 at 7:27 pm to Tiger Ryno
Posted on 7/10/14 at 7:27 pm to Tiger Ryno
quote:
Lol. No.
I have to agree with LOLing at thinking the responsibilities of a parent and a single, childless person are the same. That doesn't even make sense.
I'm not a parent, so I'm not trying to put myself on the "parent pedestal" by saying this: a parent has massively more responsibility than a single person with no kids.
A single person with no kids is responsible for themselves and whatever their job is. A parent is responsible for those PLUS their relationship with their spouse, which is a lot actually, let me tell you, PLUS the *LIFE* and upbringing of a person who is completely dependent on them.
This post was edited on 7/10/14 at 7:31 pm
1
Posted on 7/10/14 at 7:38 pm to Cooter Davenport
quote:
A single person with no kids is responsible for themselves and whatever their job is. A parent is responsible for those PLUS their relationship with their spouse, which is a lot actually, let me tell you, PLUS the *LIFE* and upbringing of a person who is completely dependent on them.
Yeah, it's kind of not debatable.
It may have been an unnecessary thing to point out but it doesn't make it not true.
Posted on 7/10/14 at 8:28 pm to Govt Tide
quote:
That makes sense. Some of these same friends jokingly say that I have it made but I disagree. The only downside they have is they don't have the freedom to do exactly what they want when they want to. When you're single and not going out with anyone it gets pretty damn lonely. Sure, I can do what I want when I want but I usually have to do it alone which gets old.
I can relate. Being single in your mid 40's can be depressing and lonely. Yet..I can go to bed when I want to and get up when I want. I do wish I had a significant other though. I guess if you are married you think about being single sometimes.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 12:17 am to MottLaneKid
I'm in the same boat as you except I'm a few years younger. I have a decent job in that it has an incredible retirement if I stick it out. On the other hand, it is getting monotonous and the nature and quality of the position is highly dependent on the political whims of the government. My department has taken a beating and merit or cost of living raises have been frozen 5 years. Despite a significant promotion a couple of years ago, I'm barely making more than I did before the promotion. I'm basically having a midlife crisis minus the wife and kids and ready to say frick it and take a huge career gamble. I guess I just need to be resigned to the fact that my close friends and I are destined only to get together 2 or 3 times a year and that's just the way it's got to be. I guess I need to take advantage of my social flexibility and freedom and start taking some career chances and personal relationship chances that my married friends can't afford to make.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 1:58 am to MottLaneKid
quote:
I can relate. Being single in your mid 40's can be depressing and lonely. Yet..I can go to bed when I want to and get up when I want. I do wish I had a significant other though. I guess if you are married you think about being single sometimes.
You divorced or just never been married? I couldn't handle 40 and single.
Then again, there are a lot more divorcees running around out there in your age group than there are women in their late twenties who've never married, have no kids, and aren't in a relationship. And people ask me how I could possibly put up with girls that are still in college.
This post was edited on 7/11/14 at 1:59 am
Posted on 7/11/14 at 4:34 am to Govt Tide
Once your married ,espescially when kids start falling out the vagina it's hard to have any friends. I have been married for 15 years had children 10 out of the fifteen. I have one
single friend thats not a work friend. One ! Then
i probably get to shoot
the shite with him twice
a month.
It's not easy juggling
work , spending time
with the kids and then
you have to make time just to spend with the
wife. I have to sneak
off while i'm running errands or washing the vehicles just to b.s. for fifteen minutes. And then....don't thimk for one minute your wife hasn't been timing you all these years. I can be 5 minutes later than usual so i must fricking off some where. MARRIED LIFE!!!!!
single friend thats not a work friend. One ! Then
i probably get to shoot
the shite with him twice
a month.
It's not easy juggling
work , spending time
with the kids and then
you have to make time just to spend with the
wife. I have to sneak
off while i'm running errands or washing the vehicles just to b.s. for fifteen minutes. And then....don't thimk for one minute your wife hasn't been timing you all these years. I can be 5 minutes later than usual so i must fricking off some where. MARRIED LIFE!!!!!
This post was edited on 7/11/14 at 4:39 am
Posted on 7/11/14 at 4:48 am to Govt Tide
For a 40 something, this is a depressing arse thread.
I was married for about ten years, basically all of my twenties. We divorced and I was single for about 4 years but had sole custody of my 3 daughters. The oldest did a lot of babysitting and the married neighbors too while I went out.
I acted like a fool during those years, blew through money, dated whores and none of my married friends wanted their husbands hanging out with me. The "freedom" got old real quick.
I didn't bring girls around my kids so I started basically living a double life. If I did bring a girl with me to something family oriented, day at the beach, parks, fairs, etc., I could see that my kids wanted a momma. None of these chicks were wife/momma material.
It may be that because I spent all of my early adulthood married that I had been conditioned to think being single was a depressing endeavor by definition. I wanted my married friends back.
My wife and I began talking again, we started dating, she moved back in, we got remarried and started hanging out with our friends again.
Then we had another child in our late 30's. All of our married friends have older children and are now doing social things, weekend getaways, etc. while we sit at home with a four year old. I've now somehow managed to ostrisize myself from all forms of friends and social relationships.
I was married for about ten years, basically all of my twenties. We divorced and I was single for about 4 years but had sole custody of my 3 daughters. The oldest did a lot of babysitting and the married neighbors too while I went out.
I acted like a fool during those years, blew through money, dated whores and none of my married friends wanted their husbands hanging out with me. The "freedom" got old real quick.
I didn't bring girls around my kids so I started basically living a double life. If I did bring a girl with me to something family oriented, day at the beach, parks, fairs, etc., I could see that my kids wanted a momma. None of these chicks were wife/momma material.
It may be that because I spent all of my early adulthood married that I had been conditioned to think being single was a depressing endeavor by definition. I wanted my married friends back.
My wife and I began talking again, we started dating, she moved back in, we got remarried and started hanging out with our friends again.
Then we had another child in our late 30's. All of our married friends have older children and are now doing social things, weekend getaways, etc. while we sit at home with a four year old. I've now somehow managed to ostrisize myself from all forms of friends and social relationships.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 7:37 am to DLauw
Couples with kids hang out with other couples with kids bc they kids occupy each other so the adults can hang out in peace.
You get a night of relative peace w/o having to ship the kiddos to the grands or spring for a babysitter.
You get a night of relative peace w/o having to ship the kiddos to the grands or spring for a babysitter.
This post was edited on 7/11/14 at 7:43 am
Posted on 7/11/14 at 7:54 am to DLauw
quote:
All of our married friends have older children and are now doing social things, weekend getaways, etc. while we sit at home with a four year old. I've now somehow managed to ostrisize myself from all forms of friends and social relationships.
I don't have this problem with my friends, but my wifes group of friends are all about 6-7 years older than us with older kids. I feel bad for her because we can't go with them on most of their fun beach trips, concerts, etc.. and that's resulted in her kind of being left on the outside of that group.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 7:58 am to ILikeLSUToo
Who we hang with is irrelevant to their marital status. Our friends are still our friends.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 7:59 am to Govt Tide
I see it happen long before kids or even marriage comes into the picture
Posted on 7/11/14 at 8:03 am to Govt Tide
Married people please don't call them friends, they abandon all the single people, then come running back as soon as they get divorced
Posted on 7/11/14 at 9:22 am to Cracker
I struggle with whether or not I'm being unappreciated and/or taken for granted by this particular close friend or if he is legitimately so swamped by family life that he simply doesn't have the time. I totally understand and respect the fact that kids and a marriage should always take priority over friends. I wouldn't have as much of a problem if this particular close friend would at least humor me and call or text me to see how I was doing or what I've been up to. At the very least acknowledge me and respond to texts or voice mails the few times I leave them. I wouldn't think that would be too much to ask.
The weekend after next is one of those rare annual events where our group of friends get together (my hometown Member/Guest golf tournament). I'm wondering if I should broach the subject with him or just leave it alone.
The weekend after next is one of those rare annual events where our group of friends get together (my hometown Member/Guest golf tournament). I'm wondering if I should broach the subject with him or just leave it alone.
This post was edited on 7/11/14 at 9:25 am
Posted on 7/11/14 at 9:34 am to Govt Tide
quote:
I'm wondering if I should broach the subject with him or just leave it alone.
There's nothing to broach man. This is what happens in life.
Your married/parent friends probably don't have a lot of choice in how the majority of their time is spent whereas you can do whatever you want with every second of your life.
Sorry you're lonely. Get out and meet some new friends to mix in with your old one's.
When your married friends have more time as their kids get older, you'll see them more again.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 9:48 am to Murray
That's the thing though. I've accepted the fact that getting together is going to happen on rare occasions. I'm sad about that but I understand that this is the way it is wit married friends with kids. My bigger issue now is being ignored altogether by this person. That was kinda the whole point of my question in the OP. Is this friend trying to get me to take a hint by ignoring my occasional voice mail or text and I'm being an idiot for not recognizing it or are married couples with one kid so completely swamped at all times they can't respond to texts or phone calls? Many here have been helpful with their answers.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 9:55 am to Govt Tide
quote:
That was kinda the whole point of my question in the OP. Is this friend trying to get me to take a hint by ignoring my occasional voice mail or text and I'm being an idiot for not recognizing it or are married couples with one kid so completely swamped at all times they can't respond to texts or phone calls?
Oh well yeah he may be trying to send you a hint or maybe there's something going on in his life that you're not aware of.
If it's the latter, then be careful how you come off when you talk to him.
Not having the occasional voicemails/text responded to can be annoying but they could be preoccupied.
All I'm saying is tread lightly or you may create a real problem.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 10:02 am to Murray
That's good advice and is why I'm very reluctant to broach the subject. I guess I'm just confused and I do tend to assume the worst even though I have considered that he may be struggling with issues that probably have absolutely nothing to do with me.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 6:05 pm to Govt Tide
Bro, you may have to change your expectations of what hanging out is. Going out to bars and clubs aresingle pperson activities. Focus your bro time on golf or other day time activities. It won't be nearly as frequent as pre wife and kids, but it's a solid 3 - 4 hours of quality time.
A man's place is with his wife and children.
A man's place is with his wife and children.
Posted on 7/11/14 at 6:18 pm to Govt Tide
quote:
but it seems like they manage to make time for their married friends. Anyone else in this boat? I never have been in a big hurry to marry but it almost seems like the only way to stay in regular contact with friends is to get into their circle of married friends.
MFMF >>>>> MMF
Posted on 7/11/14 at 6:35 pm to Corkfather
quote:
I couldn't handle 40 and single
It's not so bad. You don't have any responsibilities so you can just kick back and fill your time with nothingness.
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