re: Alcoholism: Why it sucks.

This thread hits home.. i've got a little over a year sober from alcohol and almost 8 sober from painkillers...My grandfather was an alcoholic, i did not know until i went through it myself. What makes a person turn into the convenience store and grab a bottle of liquor on the way home? Justification... "got all my work done, i can relax tonight"..."I need to mow the grass, i usually have a few beers while i mow... i'll just grab a bottle of liquor so i don't have to pee as often"... It's kind of like seeing the hottest chick you can imagine and she wants to hop in bed with you... and every part of you says, damn this is going to be nice... Try telling yourself no to that... that's how the addicts mind works... it gets slowly rewired and when a normal person just says "nah, i'll go ride the bike tonight or workout" the addict's mind says "Let's turn on the pit and have a few" always making excuses... and I never knew what would set me off, could be anything.. something would just click in my mind and i'd instantly have a battle in my mind "do i stop and grab some liquor or not" knowing deep down once those thoughts came into my mind the battle had already been lost and before i knew it i'd be stopping in and getting a drink somewhere. I would justify it for almost any occasion... It's a fight that never stops and the best defense is avoid it at all costs... and the bonus... damn, does it feel good deep down when someone says "hey man, do you want a beer?" and i say "nah man, i'm good". Being addicted to painkillers was physically worse withdrawal wise, but alcohol is much harder recovery wise because it is everywhere... everywhere you go alcohol is within walking distance. Sadly, you don't know you're an addict until it's too late... I however would not change what i went through. I learned a lot about myself, and learned to value simple things in life.

The physical dependence... when i was withdrawing from painkillers, i would go into work and literally sit at my desk and do absolutely nothing... it was hell, my mind was so jacked up like a schizophrenic that i couldn't focus on anything but the pain. sweating, nausea, feeling like you have to use the bathroom every 5 minutes, restless leg syndrome, extreme insomnia, migraines,no appetite at all, felt like i was actually going crazy, chills, 69.9 degrees was too cold and 70 was too hot, caffeine would make it worse, taking 5 advil was like trying to kill a rhino with a spitball.