There are a lot of people in this thread saying a lot of things that they would do. Most of these comments are probably made with the luxury of not having kids involved. When you throw them into the mix it changes things. In that circumstance I might stay but our relationship would never be the same again. I think then the decisions about whether the relationship continued would shift into her court. I can imagine that feelings toward her would cool quite a bit. Probably not have nearly the passion that was there before and certainly not confide in nor share things that were just normal stuff before.

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Posted by NorthTiger

Upper 40

Member since Jan 2004

3845 posts

Posted on 2/15/14 at 9:50 pm to bencoleman

quote:
bencoleman

In my case there were young children involved. The other issue is that I found about 5 years after the fact........after a period of time that we had worked on and resolved many issues. Still, this one came as a shock to me.

it's very easy to sit on the sidelines and say what you would do if you've never been through an event like this. Ever felt every tough emotion known to man (mad, vengeful, unforgiving). Every person has to decide for themselves what you would do in this situation. In some cases the revelation of an affair comes at the lowest point of a marrigage. That wasn't the case for me.

In the 25 years since the disclosure we have had another child, been through the deaths of our parents, laughed a whole lot, shared a whole lot, experinced passion and supported each other in many ways. She was not a healthy person when all of this happened.

Trust is earned over a long period of time. Trust is no longer an issue for me and this seems like it happened to two other people right now......except for those couple of times a year when my let this get to me. Maybe i'm not as forgiving as I think I am.

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