Season of the Witch I read a few scathing reviews and went to see this just to see how bad a movie Cage was willing to sign to. I was surpised that this movie wasn't nearly as bad as the critics said. The large scale battle scenes are bad and the CGI for the most part about a decade behind, but the story was a bit interesting, and actually surprised me. At first, I thought this was just another attack on the Church of the Middle Ages, but it was actually, in a weird way, a defense of it. The movie was always entertaining and moved very quickly, so you won't be bored. 5/10

Seven Days in Utopia Before watching it, I did something I usually don't: I had a peak at the numerical grades the critics gave this movie. I was not that surprised when I saw the grades were low. It's not unusual for critics to pan an overtly religious movie. Some people, either for personal or intellectual reasons, hate religion. Anything that discusses religion in a positive light is bad to some of these people. I hoped that this was the reason for the low scores because who has seen more bad movies in the theater this year than I have?

The movie is a series of parables in which a budding golf star learns lessons by having his focus unfocused. All his life, the golfer, whose acting rivals the quality of acting on MTV's Real World, has focused on direct lessons from a father who is exacting, goal-driven, vicarious, and relentless. But when that world is torn, he is led to another father figure, played by the philtrum-stached Robert Duvall. Through a series of trials and parables, Duvall's character teaches the young man virtues of middle American religion: conviction, temperance, and detachment.

The messages are well and good for a nominally Christian and unrooted society that has a need for morality lessons, but the teachings of Seven Days are, like so many of the "Christian" movies coming out since Hollywood realized it could make bank after seeing the cash flow after Mel Gibson's The Passion, more suited for a society that is concerned with self first. The movie's theme is less about Christian virtues than it is about the virtues of modern American psychology cloaked in the language of Christianity. The movie's not about finding one's place in the world as a servant; it's about finding oneself. It's not about reconciling after real fractures; it's about superficial hugs and submission: case in point: the golfer's dad in the ridiculous golf scenes that close the movie. There was nothing real in their ostensible reconciliation. The dad's character is merely destroyed, his soul simply disappears after the two supposedly reconcile. And as a result of this phantom redivivus, the character and the relationship he has with the son are incredulous. And as bad as that relationship portrayal is, it's only half as bad as the young man's love interest and her family. Did the director really feel it necessary to include a shadow family?

Apart from giving a nominally Christian self-help message, the movie fails as a work of cinematic art because it has bad acting and no drama. There are no elements of suspense; every bit of this movie is predicated on folk family religion in the most predictable of ways. Whereas the profound lessons of a good work of art come to us in a susurrus, as do the lessons in a movie like A River Runs Through It, this movie is for an uncritical, unthinking audience who needs lessons pasted on billboards and blared on bullhorns. Even with all the bad, the movie moves quickly, and is over before you know it. But the next time I see Melissa Leo in Whole Foods, I will confront her. "Melissa," I will say, "Why did someone of your pedigree agree to do a bad movie? I've seen enough of them this year." 3/10.

Smurfs 3D There is an emerging study of color in contemporary philosophy. Much of it derives from psychological and linguistic theories, but it is annoyingly and fruitlessly emerging in philosophy. While we can objectively differentiate colors based on the spectrum of visible light, the new studies of color are more often than not based on an anthropocentric rather than physical understanding of color. As such, colors are colors in so much as they can create an emotional response. Artists have long known this; why it took philosophers so long to figure out, you figure out. Entering the movie I loved the color blue. Exiting the movie, I detest the color blue.

How can a movie create such a metanoia in opinion? Consider why many children do not like the lima beans. I believe it is not the legume's taste, it the legume's color: similar to the color of children's vomit. Smurfs is no more than vomit on the big screen. And it made me want to vomit. I wish I had listened to the lady in the preview of the Never Say Never copycat, Glee 3D, when she said, "This movie sucks. Get your money back." But we cannot change the past; we cannot undo what we have seen, and what I saw in Smurfs was a raping of my soul by none other than Papa Smurf, whose voice sounds eerily similar to the Larry King voice in those Xtranormal self-make movies.

It was an Indecent Proposal. How else can you explain any actor or actress agreeing to lend their face or voice to this movie? I can see the directors going to Doogie Howser: "Here's $2 mill, will you do it?" If Doogie had actually taken the Hippocratic Oath, he couldn't. I guess moral character is not expected from an actor who does a cameo in a movie about White Castle burgers and semen in a car's backseat. I'm surprised we didn't see any White Castle burgers in the movie. At every turn of the camera angle, there was one more advertisement for some company. Yes, Smurfs is nothing more than a series of infomercials painted blue. The directors then slapped on a five cent sitcom story about being a dad and a few crude jokes, that I hope went over the kids' heads. The sad part is that all that blue turned to green at the box office. Satan is red in my eyes no longer. 0/10

The Social Network Tight writing, great story, and moves at a pace that is irresistible. I haven't sat through two hours that went by more quickly than when watching this one. No performance sticks out; it's just a solid movie all the way around. 9/10

This post was edited on 11/16/11 at 7:32 am

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Posted by TulaneLSU

Member since Aug 2003

Member since Dec 2007

13298 posts

Posted on 11/16/11 at 7:22 am to TulaneLSU

Soul Surfer - I went into this movie knowing nothing about it, nothing. It was playing when I arrived at the theater, so I went blind. All I knew was it was rated PG. When it began, I thought, "This looks dumb, but at least it's a pretty girl in a bikini." Moments later, the girl goes to church, and I'm thinking, "This must be one of those evangelical Christian movies that's trying to make a way into the mainstream." Bingo. With a star studded cast of Helen Hunt, Dennis Quaid, Craig Nelson (from the show Coach, who seems to be making a comeback with his recent role in the bland Company Men), Kevin Sorbo, and Carrie Underwood it caught me off guard because usually that type of movie has a no-name cast or with that fundamentalist guy Scott from Growing Pains.

For the first hour of the movie, I was really annoyed by it. It was overly preachy, overly sentimental, and overly focus on surfing and the life of a self-centered, selfish family that adds nothing to the world. They lived for their own entertainment, like most of the "evangelical Christians" today who are self-righteous and act that fake Mormon niceness that comes off as smug. People like this family put a lot of people off Christianity because they claim Christ, but live lives of the aesthete, living as if God chose them and them alone to enjoy the world. Suffering? As long as it's not me and my family, who cares? It's that type of teaching that has made much of what passes as Christianity in America the epitome of what Jesus taught against (much like Mormonism). Back to the movie, it was growing in annoying scenes, chirpy lines, and overly sentimental music to a crescendo of all I hate about American happy-clappyism. Where was the reality? The didactic moment?

But something happened in the last quarter of the movie. A pivotal change in the mood and direction, and it made all the difference. I won't spoil it for you, but somehow I got caught up in the young girl's life, and began sobbing uncontrollably in the theater. I have never cried like that from a movie, but this movie somehow reached into my spirit and tugged at it, perhaps more than any other movie since Rudy and A Walk to Remember. I confess that afterward, I felt a little used, but the feelings of manipulation passed when I realized this movie was based on a true story, and the one whose life it is based seemed genuine and true. I feel torn to give it a high rating because of the first 3/4 of the movie and the emotional roller coaster it takes you on, but I will give it a 7/10 just on the fact that it moved me so severely.

Source Code - a movie I went into blindly as well. From the title I thought it was going to be about computer hacking or some silly subject like that. Immediately, the movie embraces you with its mystery and action. The director really does his profession proudly using many of the known and unknown techniques of Hitchcock. To go into more detail is to give the movie away, but throughout the movie, I was intrigued and entertained.

It tries to pass itself off as intelligent, delving into the paradoxes of time travel, but it adds nothing of note, borrowing instead from Terminator and Back to the Future ideas. Not that interesting in my opinion, but what is interesting is the perfectly organized movie, its pace, and its great roles, perfectly cast might I add. I don't think I blinked the entire time. As a mystery-action-thriller, it doesn't get any better than this, but those who try to turn it into some intellectual treatise are morons. 8/10

Take Me Home Tonight The first half hour of this movie was amongst the worst 30 minutes of film in history. The trailer makes it out to be a comedy, but there are no humorous elements to the movie, especially in the first 30 minutes. The most interesting aspect of this movie involves failure and regret and how it has motivated, or rather, marked the movie's protagonist. If the director had focused on that instead of stupid scenes that did not help the movie, it might be worth seeing. But as it lacks comic and true dramatic elements, it flops. The music is pretty good if you're an 80s fan, but what? They didn't even put Take Me Home Tonight in the movie! Really. The title has nothing to do with this movie and the ending is just poor. 2/10

Tangled I felt embarrassed not to know this fairytale. After seeing it three times already I feel that I know the tale backwards and forwards. The young lady, even though she is a cartoon, is very attractive and I found her hair irresistible. The colors are beautiful and the music fun. Not as good as The Princess and the Frog, but still good. 8/10

Thor - Ah, yes, summer is here and so are the blockbusters. The summer has started in high style with Thor. I'm not a fan of those comic book movies, but this Marvel feature crosses the comic genre more than any other before it, even Iron Man. With themes from literature, religion, and science beautifully woven together, not to mention spectacular special effects that are among the prettiest ever made, this is the best movie I've seen so far in 2011. Natalie Portman and the guy who plays Thor have great chemistry, and that's not even the main story. The main story is about sibling rivalry, and it is marvelously illustrated. Absolutely outstanding. 8/10

The Tourist We're supposed to believe that Johnny Depp is the every man? Get real. Jolie is very attractive, perhaps at her prettiest in this film. And the cinematography of Venice is lovely. The story is not and it is one of the most predictable movies of the year. 4/10

This post was edited on 1/26/12 at 6:42 am

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Posted by iwyLSUiwy

I'm your huckleberry

Member since Apr 2008

34787 posts

Posted on 12/13/11 at 12:58 pm to TulaneLSU

quote:
Season of the Witch I read a few scathing reviews and went to see this just to see how bad a movie Cage was willing to sign to. I was surpised that this movie wasn't nearly as bad as the critics said. The large scale battle scenes are bad and the CGI for the most part about a decade behind, but the story was a bit interesting, and actually surprised me. At first, I thought this was just another attack on the Church of the Middle Ages, but it was actually, in a weird way, a defense of it. The movie was always entertaining and moved very quickly, so you won't be bored. 5/10

Seven Days in Utopia Before watching it, I did something I usually don't: I had a peak at the numerical grades the critics gave this movie. I was not that surprised when I saw the grades were low. It's not unusual for critics to pan an overtly religious movie. Some people, either for personal or intellectual reasons, hate religion. Anything that discusses religion in a positive light is bad to some of these people. I hoped that this was the reason for the low scores because who has seen more bad movies in the theater this year than I have?

The movie is a series of parables in which a budding golf star learns lessons by having his focus unfocused. All his life, the golfer, whose acting rivals the quality of acting on MTV's Real World, has focused on direct lessons from a father who is exacting, goal-driven, vicarious, and relentless. But when that world is torn, he is led to another father figure, played by the philtrum-stached Robert Duvall. Through a series of trials and parables, Duvall's character teaches the young man virtues of middle American religion: conviction, temperance, and detachment.

The messages are well and good for a nominally Christian and unrooted society that has a need for morality lessons, but the teachings of Seven Days are, like so many of the "Christian" movies coming out since Hollywood realized it could make bank after seeing the cash flow after Mel Gibson's The Passion, more suited for a society that is concerned with self first. The movie's theme is less about Christian virtues than it is about the virtues of modern American psychology cloaked in the language of Christianity. The movie's not about finding one's place in the world as a servant; it's about finding oneself. It's not about reconciling after real fractures; it's about superficial hugs and submission: case in point: the golfer's dad in the ridiculous golf scenes that close the movie. There was nothing real in their ostensible reconciliation. The dad's character is merely destroyed, his soul simply disappears after the two supposedly reconcile. And as a result of this phantom redivivus, the character and the relationship he has with the son are incredulous. And as bad as that relationship portrayal is, it's only half as bad as the young man's love interest and her family. Did the director really feel it necessary to include a shadow family?

Apart from giving a nominally Christian self-help message, the movie fails as a work of cinematic art because it has bad acting and no drama. There are no elements of suspense; every bit of this movie is predicated on folk family religion in the most predictable of ways. Whereas the profound lessons of a good work of art come to us in a susurrus, as do the lessons in a movie like A River Runs Through It, this movie is for an uncritical, unthinking audience who needs lessons pasted on billboards and blared on bullhorns. Even with all the bad, the movie moves quickly, and is over before you know it. But the next time I see Melissa Leo in Whole Foods, I will confront her. "Melissa," I will say, "Why did someone of your pedigree agree to do a bad movie? I've seen enough of them this year." 3/10.

Smurfs 3D There is an emerging study of color in contemporary philosophy. Much of it derives from psychological and linguistic theories, but it is annoyingly and fruitlessly emerging in philosophy. While we can objectively differentiate colors based on the spectrum of visible light, the new studies of color are more often than not based on an anthropocentric rather than physical understanding of color. As such, colors are colors in so much as they can create an emotional response. Artists have long known this; why it took philosophers so long to figure out, you figure out. Entering the movie I loved the color blue. Exiting the movie, I detest the color blue.

How can a movie create such a metanoia in opinion? Consider why many children do not like the lima beans. I believe it is not the legume's taste, it the legume's color: similar to the color of children's vomit. Smurfs is no more than vomit on the big screen. And it made me want to vomit. I wish I had listened to the lady in the preview of the Never Say Never copycat, Glee 3D, when she said, "This movie sucks. Get your money back." But we cannot change the past; we cannot undo what we have seen, and what I saw in Smurfs was a raping of my soul by none other than Papa Smurf, whose voice sounds eerily similar to the Larry King voice in those Xtranormal self-make movies.

It was an Indecent Proposal. How else can you explain any actor or actress agreeing to lend their face or voice to this movie? I can see the directors going to Doogie Howser: "Here's $2 mill, will you do it?" If Doogie had actually taken the Hippocratic Oath, he couldn't. I guess moral character is not expected from an actor who does a cameo in a movie about White Castle burgers and semen in a car's backseat. I'm surprised we didn't see any White Castle burgers in the movie. At every turn of the camera angle, there was one more advertisement for some company. Yes, Smurfs is nothing more than a series of infomercials painted blue. The directors then slapped on a five cent sitcom story about being a dad and a few crude jokes, that I hope went over the kids' heads. The sad part is that all that blue turned to green at the box office. Satan is red in my eyes no longer. 0/10

The Social Network Tight writing, great story, and moves at a pace that is irresistible. I haven't sat through two hours that went by more quickly than when watching this one. No performance sticks out; it's just a solid movie all the way around. 9/10