Finally, because I really do love all of you, here's some hilariously awful fanfic that will hopefully scar you for life! ;)

[quote=Someone from the GRRM Book Barn thread at SA]
He didn't remember being captured.
Jaimie struggled against his bonds but found the act fruitless. He was surprised to find that he still had his golden hand on. How did they capture him? He saw his men lying on the ground, dead or dying. His squire Peck was tied to a tree and Sir Payne was tied to his horse. Why kill everyone and us these three? The men who now had control of his camp were everywhere. They wore bright yellow armor and had a signet of a dragon rapped around a tree. Odd. He had never seen armor like this before. What was going on?

Jaimie saw the smallest man walking towards him. At first, for half a second, he believed it too be Tyrion but this man was unbelievably shorter than Tryion he was. His body was covered in the same strange yellow armor and helmet but with a red strip across his chest.

"Hmm hehehe. Kinslayer!" The short yellow man said.
"Do I know you?"
"Oh brotha, don't tell me you've forgotten me already?"
Startled, Jaime gasped. "Impossible. You're supposed to be dead!" He whispered hoarsely.
"MMmm hmhmhmhmmmm! I'm a lot harder to kill." The yellow man lifted off his helmet and revealed a face he hadn't seen in 15 years.
"Winnie the Pooh!" Jaime said disbelieving. "My father destroyed your house 15 years ago."

A pink armored man came up beside Pooh. He could only be none other than Sir Piglet. "Oh D-d-d-dear-dear! You shut your mouth Kinslayer! The 100 Acre Wood lives on in the hearts of those who still remember!"

"Your house is dead and the memories as well. All I see is a bunch of broken animals."
"Bastard!" Piglet pulled out his sword.
"No Piglet. Death is too easy. I want to savor my revenge. I'll have my revenge! Tigger, bend him over!"
"That's what tiggers do best!"
"Afraid of me even now Pooh? Why don't you fight me, single combat? Too cowardly to fight a cripple?"
"No..." Pooh pulled down his breeches. His magnificent golden penis stood in the air like a golden statue. It made his golden hand look like dull copper. "I prefer to make you suffer!"

Jaimie's breeches were pulled off. "You bastard..."

"You'll enjoy this as much as I will."

He remembered what he had told Brienne that day. When it happened, you had to go inside yourself. Endure. All thoughts left his mind when Winnie the Pooh shoved his ten inch penis inside Jaimie Lannister's arse. Jaimie screamed louder than he had when his hand was cut off. In some ways, this was far, far worse. Winnie the Pooh was fricking him in the arse! And too his shame, this was also far, far better than times with Cersei. Winnie the Pooh pumped Jaimie from behind like a wild animal. It was both horrible pain and addictive pleasure. He didn't know whether he was moaning from his tearing arse or the pulsing pleasure.

Out of no where, Kylaer, Dendra and IRQ walked in the clearing. They saw Jaimie Lannister, looked at each other in confusion, than backed away slowly into the unknown.

Jaimie gasped. The pressure from his arse was gone. He was already missing the pleasure. He had time long enough to see Sir Payne getting raped from behind by Piglet before his line of vision was cut off by Winnie the Pooh's massive member.

"You moan too much..." Before Jaimie had time to reply, his mouth was penetrated. He resisted at first, but found himself not resisting hard. It was so wrong, but felt so, so right.
It was over fast. He felt Pooh shudder and release his seed in Jaimie's mouth.
"*cough* Dear god... it... *cough* taste like honey." It was the most wonderful taste he had ever tasted.
"Kinslayer... you are now my wife." Pooh announced.
"Yes..." Jaimie wheezed and swallowed.
"You are going to live a long time Kinslayer." Winnie the Pooh shuddered. "Only you remember my true identity. Only you remember my real name."

"Winnie the Pooh..." Jaimie said slowly. "Targaryen!" [/quote]

I love you all.