re: what happens with the money you’ve paid?

Again. That's why its so inexpensive. It serves its purpose if you die, thats it. Depending on your situation, it may or may not be the best option. If you are concerned about "wasting" your money, with whole life, you build cash value and the death benefit, meaning, at some point in life, you will get your premiums back plus some, whether its through the death benefit, or you can access is through the cash value.
Again, before you do anything, sit down with an agent who can answer your questions specific to YOUR scenario. There isn't a "cookie cutter" answer to anyones situation.