My short breakdown of our schedule this season..

Sep. 5 @ Washington
Steve Sarkisian's 1st game as a HC makes him wish he was back at USC with perennial 2 loss Pete Carroll instead of the 0-11 season he sees looming on the horizon. After a lengthy call with Lane Kiffin after the game, Sarkisian becomes a pathological liar and begins to exhibit weird behavior. Al Davis is brought in to moderate the situation.
LSU 52-3

Sep. 12 Vanderbilt
Bobby Johnson is caught on tape saying "Fudge" which is against his no cussing policy; including words which are meant to replace the bad ones. His team makes him run 10 100yard sprints after the game, which is more enjoyable than the game itself as LSU students pelt him with whiskey bottles after each sprint.
LSU 51-7

Sep. 19 UL-Lafayette
The annual arse whipping on the bayou commences and ends with ULL switching back to USL. The game will be forever known as "The day LSU put the Shit back in USL."
LSU 59-0

Sep. 26 @ Mississippi State
The Dan Mullen era hasn't started out the way he has envisioned. In an unprecedented move, Mullen quits as HC at Moo U after LSU beats his Dawgs; getting 3 years of Federal prison time for animal abuse in the process. He gets rehired as Urban Meyer's OC at Florida, Sylvester Croom gives Starkville the finger and Jackie Sherrill rides in on a personally castrated bull to save the day.
LSU 41-6

..TBC