re: DAT 4/16: Barves (Lopez) @ Astros (Brown) 7:10

quote:

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Astros called up Forrest Whitley

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Y'all can forget seeing him take the mound. I know EXACTLY how this plays out.

And, I mean, EXACTLY:

Farrish Wazlo will be on his way to Minute Maid Park in his 2015 Altima with the bangin sound system and faded & cracking Orange and Blue chrome wrap.

A 3-legged gerbil (coincidentally named Maldy), newly escaped from the grasp of a blind girl who is a resident at the "Brandon Backe Interdisciplinary School for Orphaned Orphans", will jump out in front of good ole Franklon Whastley making him swerve to the right where he will promptly pick up 2 thumbtacks that just fell off of an Amazon truck headed to Alex Bregman's house loaded down with freshly printed HEB posters featuring Alex in all of his favorite HEB commercials.

Forgot-his-name will pull over and attempt to change his flat. In the process of pulling his spare out of the trunk, a 15-pound barbell will fall out and hit him squarely on his little piggy on his left foot. In the process of squashing said piggy toe, his hopes of making the big leagues will also be squashed. Again.

I'm telling you, it will go down exactly like that.