re: Somebody please explain Landry's "school choice" plan to me like I'm 5.

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I was thinking the same thing.

Why would prices go up?

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Because that's what happens when free money is introduced to a system, especially when it's coming from the government.

Here's the likely scenario:

1. -Bill is passed, everyone gets $n per kid for education (the family doesn't get physical hold of it, it just follows the child to whatever school they attend).
2. -Families want to put their kids in private schools, but the private schools cost more than that so families complain that it's "unfair".
3. -Equity Justice Warriors complain that people are taking their kids out of poor schools, thus making them poorer.
4. -Points 2 and 3 add up to enough drama that the legislature raises the amount per child. Rinse and repeat until more families can afford private schools and the poor schools can survive on their dwindling enrollment.
5. -Private schools begin charging more because the state government has shown it will bend over to pay more if enough fuss is made. While they may use this money to hire more teachers, get better facilities, etc at first, they will eventually devolve into spending that money on growing middle management and spending on fripperies.
6. -Rinse and repeat points 2-5 until the system crashes.

If this seems somewhat familiar, it's similar to the impact nearly unrestricted billions of government dollars have done to the college and university systems.