re: How do you deal with the guilt of living far away from your aging parents?

quote:

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They just entered their 70s and I feel like I’m missing out on their remaining years

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You got decades with them, and there is Facetime, unlike when I got an audio tape once a month from my USN dad on a ship somewhere. If they're like most parents from that era, they get an absurd amount of joy out of watching their kids succeed, and grandkids of course, that you probably undervalue. They live for that shite. One of my sisters adopted a preemie, and my step father looks like a 13 year old boy playing with that kid.

Do you really think they want you to take a pay cut and live in some shitehole in LA to be around them to figuratively wipe their butts? I tried to fly my grandparents down from the midwest (in First, humble brag) multiple times, and they were just, "F it, we're tired."

Like Denis Leary said, your most miserable years are the ones at the end. Send cards, send physical letters. They most probably will take a ton of pride in you doing things for your family that they couldn't. It sounds like they grew up fresh out of the depression/WWII, so worry less about what you think matters to you, and what moves the needle for them. There were dads that didn't meet their kids until they were four or five years old. Don't dramatize the struggle.

Send your mom flowers the third Friday of every month (she will circle that on the calendar for sure). Send your dad a BBQ box (or whatever he's into) every month. Give him a gift certificate for a lawnmower blade sharpening, or send him stuff from Bass Pro that he likes. Order them home delivery food once a month.

You're not worried, currently, about making them happy, you're worrying about your guilt. Guilt is why MBAs in Louisiana work at Chilis for years.