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re: Complicated marriage/legal question involving finances
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:16 pm to 850SaintsGator
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:16 pm to 850SaintsGator
1. Get a lawyer.
2. Freeze your credit and do a detailed credit check on both of you.
3. Record all phone and in person conversations. LA is a one consent state not sure where you are.
4. Consider she may be playing for the other team. That comment about being afraid of you is classic lesbian talking points.
5. Do not move out but do what lawyer says.
Edit. Had 2 cases late 40s female went lesbian and massacred the finances. One guy had over 50 cards in his name he didn't know about mostly maxed out.
2. Freeze your credit and do a detailed credit check on both of you.
3. Record all phone and in person conversations. LA is a one consent state not sure where you are.
4. Consider she may be playing for the other team. That comment about being afraid of you is classic lesbian talking points.
5. Do not move out but do what lawyer says.
Edit. Had 2 cases late 40s female went lesbian and massacred the finances. One guy had over 50 cards in his name he didn't know about mostly maxed out.
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 2:23 pm
0
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:17 pm to Old Sarge
quote:
so sorry fella, but cut her off of everything, she’s buying drugs, not a doubt in my mind
Makes the most sense - PI makes sense
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:17 pm to 850SaintsGator
quote:
and this mental stuff is new
I mean you just don’t all of a sudden go crazy
I would definitely suspect drug use, unless there is more to the story you aren’t saying regarding why she may fear you.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:23 pm to 850SaintsGator
So she doesn’t work but she’s having a mental breakdown. From what? Doing nothing?
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:24 pm to 850SaintsGator
I think you pretty much already have a feeling where this is headed so I’d say see an attorney and start the process yourself. Right now you need to protect yourself, your kids and your credit.
As long as y’all are still legally married, half of any financial mistakes she makes is yours to pay, so file for legal separation to terminate your obligations to her future bills.
Try to get controlling custody of the kids, it may be hard on you but will be worth it to you and them in the long run. She either has a gambling, drug, shopping or sex purchasing problem and you should not trust her to be paying bills that you are half accountable for, this can empty your accounts and ruin your credit. She’s slipping money aside for her habits or to build herself some finances for when she leaves you.
Make a clean break and start life over, don’t trash her in front of the kids.
Freezing accounts or limiting accounts doesn’t necessarily protect you because she could be opening credit or getting loans you’re not aware of but you are legally half responsible for, you have a lot at risk if you don’t take immediate action, believe me, I’ve lived what you’re living.
As long as y’all are still legally married, half of any financial mistakes she makes is yours to pay, so file for legal separation to terminate your obligations to her future bills.
Try to get controlling custody of the kids, it may be hard on you but will be worth it to you and them in the long run. She either has a gambling, drug, shopping or sex purchasing problem and you should not trust her to be paying bills that you are half accountable for, this can empty your accounts and ruin your credit. She’s slipping money aside for her habits or to build herself some finances for when she leaves you.
Make a clean break and start life over, don’t trash her in front of the kids.
Freezing accounts or limiting accounts doesn’t necessarily protect you because she could be opening credit or getting loans you’re not aware of but you are legally half responsible for, you have a lot at risk if you don’t take immediate action, believe me, I’ve lived what you’re living.
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 11:42 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:24 pm to 850SaintsGator
quote:
My therapist says I’m trying up make her actions logical but i can’t because it’s not- he says to try to ignore until she gets help but she refuses
Was this marriage counseling? If so, that is really stupid advice and that’s coming from someone who is pretty pro-marriage counseling.
If I’m summarizing correctly, your wife has decided to live somewhere else, take money out of the family account and not tell you what’s going, has been arrested for DV and won’t seek professional help?
Everything about what’s she’s doing screams “I don’t want to be in relationship with you”. Again, I’m pro-work-it-out but it sounds like this is over and I’m so sorry.
Like others have said, get a lawyer tomorrow.
Also (and I could be very wrong here) but if I were you, I’d think hard about whether she might be right about any of what she’s saying. You mentioned “she says she feels unsafe” and you said you have a tendency to lose your patients with her. You also mentioned telling (not asking) her to do things…is it possible you have a temper? If so, you’ll want to control that as you go through what’s next.
Again, I could be wrong but in my experience, nobody is ever really 100% the cause of marriage problems.
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 2:33 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:24 pm to 850SaintsGator
On a serious note, I’m sorry you’re going through this, baw.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:25 pm to 850SaintsGator
quote:
we don’t have any guns
Thats a benefit to you if this goes sidways...
quote:
plus I’ve never threatened or laid a finger on her
Sadly, these facts mean very little, if it gets to this point it's all about "feelings".... Restraining Orders are considered a civil matter, facts, evidence, common sense are rarely permitted. It's all about leverage.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:30 pm to HighlyFavoredTiger
The fact that you are letting her keep your youngest in an hotel room will be used against you by her. It will be used to show that you didn’t think she was that bad because you let your child stay with her.
Also, don’t let her trick you into “reconciling”.
Also, don’t let her trick you into “reconciling”.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:32 pm to 850SaintsGator
Cancel every credit card you ever had. I had a client whose ex reactivated an old card they quit using a few years before. Cost him $12,000. Check your credit report regularly for a while
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:34 pm to CrappyPants
quote:
tell her to get a job and file for divorce
skip the job part.
she's fcking someone else
Move ALL of your joint accounts with money you have to your private account, or multiple private accounts, restrict her from any joint accounts.
Then file for divorce. Prepare for 2 years of pain and fighting.
Go for full custody of your kid(s)..or as much as you can. Tell your attorney that you would like to remain in the home with the kids.
Godspeed
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:38 pm to 850SaintsGator
I know this doesn’t help your situation, but I couldn’t imagine being the breadwinner of a family and having my spouse manage our finances.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:40 pm to Epic Cajun
One word RUN!! Lawyer up and keep stashing cash on the side. Been there done that! Best of luck to you and get ready for a rocky roller coaster.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:42 pm to arczr2
Also start recording all of her meltdowns and the way she speaks to you and the kids etc. Will definitely come in handy also hiring a good PI could put the nail in her coffin a far as child support and custody battles if she is a cheating tramp (LOTS of them out there now days) Also dont move out of the house until you have spoken to an attorney hire a PI!
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 2:45 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:44 pm to 850SaintsGator
Time to hire an attorney and file for divorce
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:44 pm to 850SaintsGator
Do you live near casinos? Could be gambling and not drugs?
This post was edited on 5/19/24 at 2:45 pm
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:46 pm to Scruffy
quote:
Have you thought about a PI to document her activities?
Do this, then you will know what to do next.
Also, take over the finances including bill paying. Leave her a reasonable amount of walking around money. Do you have children? If so see that they are taken care of. Sounds like she’s easing her way out.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:48 pm to 850SaintsGator
She is using , gambling or screwing someone who is doing one of those things.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:50 pm to 850SaintsGator
I got nothing but good luck to you.
Posted on 5/19/24 at 2:54 pm to michael corleone
quote:
She is using , gambling or screwing someone who is doing one of those things.
Or all of the above
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