I'll try to be brief, but brevity won't do this justice, so please give me a little grace.

I wasn't raised in the church. I had no Godly influences that i can remember growing up. To be honest, i remember my aunt messing around with tarot cards when i was a kid and having stars over the windows in her house to "keep the evil spirits out." My mother would tell me things like "we believe in Jesus" and that kinda stuff, but nobody in my life was living it at all. I had no examples of Godly behavior. Basically, i was extraordinarily lost with no hope of finding my way to the Lord, and I really wasn't looking.

In high school, i played sports, and i remember kneeling for prayer before games and not even knowing what everyone was saying. They were reciting the Lord's prayer, and i didn't know it. I didn't even have any idea what it was. I had no idea what the Lord's prayer was...sounds crazy to me now. Eventually, i blew all my chances of going to college to play baseball. I grew up pretty poor, so it's not like college was an option for me without a scholarship.

I joined the USAF in '97, because i had really ruined any other opportunities that existed for me at that time, and my brother and cousin had been in for a few years, so i kinda knew what i was getting myself into. My time in the military was filled with new adventures, experiences, friendships, women, and alcohol...lots of alcohol. I got to travel the world and see places i'd never dreamed of seeing. I dated and married and divorced and lived my life pretty fast, which isn't something that i can say and be proud of. It was a journey, but an empty one at best.

As i neared the end of my military career, I was completely focused on my educational goals, which led me to Christian universities where i learned about OT and NT history. I eventually completed my master's degree and began preparing for retirement. On my 20 year anniversary with the military, i was baptized and gave my life to Christ. I know that sounds wonderful, because it is, but i wasn't living it. I was drinking and partying and still caught up in everything the world had to offer, but i could tell that the Lord was changing me in small ways. First, it was deleting all of my music that was rife with vulgar lyrics and sexual innuendo This was the first pruning that I can look back on and identify.

I retired in '17 and began my post military career. All while feeling more and more lost in daily life without purpose, but drowning it all in liquor anyway...

I received an offer from a company that was everything i had prayed about...everything i wanted. I knew this was what i should be doing. The salary was stellar, the location was nice, and it afforded me freedom and opportunities that i had hoped for earlier in life. The joy in this "new life" was short-lived though, because even as everything i worked so hard for was coming to fruition, i had never felt emptier. I had never felt less sure of where i wanted to be. I started trying to figure out why i was feeling the way i felt, but it was easier to get high and avoid it...and that's what i did for the next 5+ years. Avoidance became the job i never wanted, because the job and salary i did want was incredibly empty. It is a low stress job working at a level i had yearned to get to with a salary that never seemed like a reality, but there it was and it was mine...and i HATED it.

My wife (no pics) and I found a church home a couple years ago that we love and began going off and on with hopes of a divine intervention, i suppose, but the years kept stacking on top of each other, and being high kind of became my coping mechanism. I always hit the gym, lifted, and tried to be a good dude, but it didn't matter, because my sinful, earthly flesh kept reeling me back in. It ALMOST got to be too much for me. I was praying incessantly and I would try to read the Bible, but it might as well have been written in Chinese. It was so foreign to me.

In January of this year, i joined a men's group at our church and started going on Wednesday nights. I would sit and listen to the message with tears in my eyes. I was so empty and lost, but i knew there was nowhere better for me to be than at church surrounded by Godly men, and that helped. On the last night, i decided that i was going to speak to the man who was teaching that evening and ask him about some things i was dealing with. I asked him how i could discern between the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the enemy on my back, and he explained it well. It was comforting to some degree, but then he asked if he could put his hands on me and pray for me. I said yes and stood there with tears streaming down my face as he prayed for me. When he was done, he told me to go home and read Romans 8, so i gave him a hug, thanked him, and walked out to my truck.

On the drive home, i was balling. I got to my house, hugged my wife (again, no pics) and got ready for bed. While lying there reading Romans 8, i have no idea what was going through my mind, but i finished, said my prayers, and went to sleep.

I woke up the next day and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Everything about me felt different. I was happy, joyful, calm, content, and blown away by how i felt. I didn't realize it at that moment, but i was changed. I was reborn.

I struggled with pornography since i was 15, and that burden has been lifted from me. It's an incredible feeling to know that i have been reborn, to still feel how i felt that morning when i woke up. I have a hunger for scripture and sermons now. I can read scripture and understand it with clarity. I'm absolutely joy-filled at church when we praise His name, and it's something that is so wonderful, but still so incredibly difficult to explain to those who don't believe or who are skeptical. Everything i have experienced helped me to understand that my eyes were opened and that I was justified by His grace through faith.

I apologize for the length, but it was as brief as I could make it. I wanted to share my testimony, because i know there are a lot of people out there struggling right this very moment, and i can finally admit that if you can humble yourself and fully submit to God through His son Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, it's a feeling unmatched by anything we will ever feel here on this earth, and will only be better upon our glorification when we're finally with Him in Heaven.

I can say that I pray for those who hurt. We have been taught and teach our kids to be successful in the system of this world, but it will only bring emptiness.

The enemy is staring people right in the face and they still can't see him.

All glory to God. Praise Jesus Christ. Amen

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