I'm thinking of identifying as black

I want my own TV network, my own beauty pageant, and to be over represented in TV commercials, movies, and TV series. I want preferences in college admissions, jobs opportunities, and government welfare. I want to feel the warm glow of national mourning if a black is tragically killed by a white person, while being able to put a cap in the arse of a white neighbor who pisses me off. I would like to be incapable of racism and free to shop at Neiman Marcus with no charge. I want statues of white oppressors torn down, the names of institutions changed, CRT taught in all schools, and my reparations check. I want to be treated like royalty.