DU: I have changed for the worse since Trump was elected...

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and I only blame myself for it. I refuse to blame Trump since that's his game; pointing the finger elsewhere. This is on me.

In the past 11 months I've become more hostile, suspicious, paranoid and prone to anger.

I've yelled at strangers I thought were following me vis a vis road rage incidents whereas it was a complete misunderstanding.

I've gotten in squabbles with family members, even a beloved aunt who I felt was exonerating Trump for sexual assault by talking about Weinstein then realized I went off on her when she had no intention to do so and didn't even vote for Trump.

I've glared at people with Trump bumper stickers (yes, even in Massachusetts we have them) hoping for a reaction.

I've fantasized about beating pro-Trump online trolls with a 2x4.

I've taken to drinking more and watching sports constantly, figuring at the age of 46 if we end up in a nuclear war now's the time to carpe diem, so to speak, and try to enjoy what's left of life.

I go to bed too late, get up too late, and am probably pissing my wife off by neglecting my AM duties.

I scan DU obsessively each day, praying (even as an agnostic) for the first signs of you guys crowing: "We WON! He's OUT!" and just warming myself by the spiritual fire of like-minded people.

My job performance has suffered and only careful rearrangement of appearances and cultivating personal friendships with my boss and higher-ups has helped me retain my image as a go-to workaholic IT guy (I'm a systems admin). If I started a new job right now with the need to "prove" myself I'd be gone.

I am a gun owner. I've stocked up on ammunition and harbored thoughts of: "If there's a civil war, so be it. I won't ever attack anyone else, but I will defend myself and my family if we're attacked by anyone in my town who knows I voted for Hillary."

Meanwhile I have 3 kids I should be awake, alert, calm and prepared to fight for, using words, logic, reason and ideas to reach not Trump voters but the undecided; the independents, the apathetic and - best of all - the kids growing up who couldn't vote in 2016 but will be able to do so in 2020.

My son is one of them, and he is coming (to the voting booth). And from what I've seen, the kids are on our side.

I've made a vow to take it easy on the booze, to not engage with people about politics unless I can do so constructively - meaning instead of saying: "Hey, don't be a dummy and vote for a pussy grabbing piece of shite or you're a complete frickhead!" I will substitute: "I have vast concerns about the President's credibility and integrity given his admissions about bad behavior and his apparent lack of knowledge about key issues."

I have a Twitter account I was bashing Trump through, then I thought: "Why not take a break?" so I publicly stated I was taking a hiatus from Trump for the next 100 Tweets, and intend to post more positive and constructive things.

In short, I refuse to let Trump kill me through the negativity and bad behavior I've made it my mistake to engage in.

I will live calmly, maturely, and reasonably as such so I can enjoy the day - and it will come one way or another - when he is gone from the White House forever.

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