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re: Is this a red flag? ie: dating and dealing with girl's mom
Posted on 3/2/14 at 6:38 pm to Mike da Tigah
Posted on 3/2/14 at 6:38 pm to Mike da Tigah
(no message)
This post was edited on 10/22/17 at 3:25 pm
1
Posted on 3/2/14 at 6:50 pm to Bama323_15
Fact is, until they come to a conclusion based upon commitment in taking this somewhere serious, he really has no argument with mother or not as far as I can see it. If he says "OK, I'm ready to commit here, but before I do, I need to know that you're going to tell your mother, nay, we are going to have a talk with your mother and make sure we let her know our intentions and the address the issue surrounding the dropping by unannounced," then it's a moot point. If they do... Let's say they announce their engagement and set a date and mom still pops by or worse, they get married and she continues to, then it's clearly a major issue that cannot continue. That being said, if you don't commit, or at least agree to commit and deal with this in talking to her and getting it straight, he's just a sleep over guest. 7 months, but still just a guest and not family or soon to be family.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:03 pm to Mike da Tigah
(no message)
This post was edited on 10/22/17 at 3:25 pm
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:05 pm to Mike da Tigah
I just have to say.....I'm sooooo glad I don't have a parent like you. Reading your responses makes me want to call my parents right now and thank them for being the way they are.
My parents have always been there for me and have helped me out in times of need. But they never tried to control or manipulate how I live my life once I became an adult . They only wish for my happiness.
My parents have always been there for me and have helped me out in times of need. But they never tried to control or manipulate how I live my life once I became an adult . They only wish for my happiness.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:08 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I just have to say.....I'm sooooo glad I don't have a parent like you. Reading your responses makes me want to call my parents right now and thank them for being the way they are.
My parents have always been there for me and have helped me out in times of need. But they never tried to control or manipulate how I live my life once I became an adult . They only wish for my happiness.
Well said.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:11 pm to lsunurse
(no message)
This post was edited on 10/22/17 at 3:26 pm
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:12 pm to Bama323_15
quote:
But whether or not the daughter is in a committed relationship or is having a fling does not make unannounced visits acceptable IMO. When a parent is doing that then the parent is trying to catch the child doing something that the parent disapproves of. (generally speaking of course)
Sometimes perhaps, and other times it's just as simple as they love them, have always had a real open relationship where it's been accepted, or maybe not. That being said, and regardless of the intentions of the mother or daughter, until something concrete comes from it, he's just "that guy" and in her mom's eyes, the one who will still be there regardless, there was "That other guy" before him, and there's nothing as of right now to say there won't be "that other guy" after him. So, she probably sees this as just another "that guy" making a brief appearance in her daughter's life and nothing to indicate that he's going to be "The Guy" just yet.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:14 pm to lsuwontonwrap
You are putting the pussy on a pedestal by allowing that to happen. You need to put a stop to it.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:16 pm to lsunurse
Twenty-eight years old and Momma Hen still watching over her Baby Chick.
The OP should realize by now that Momma Hen ain't gonna let go until the day she dies.
American culture has progressed to the point where we want to treat our children like babies for their entire lives. That's why so many kids can't grow up -- Mommy and Daddy WANT THEM to be babies.
Thoughts, lsunurse?
The OP should realize by now that Momma Hen ain't gonna let go until the day she dies.
American culture has progressed to the point where we want to treat our children like babies for their entire lives. That's why so many kids can't grow up -- Mommy and Daddy WANT THEM to be babies.
Thoughts, lsunurse?
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:16 pm to lsunurse
quote:
My parents have always been there for me and have helped me out in times of need. But they never tried to control or manipulate how I live my life once I became an adult . They only wish for my happiness.
Mine were too, and they have always wished for my happiness as well, but they were also parents and not happy happy joy joy boxes with no direction or instruction to assist me. If I see someone is in danger and don't try to divert their course, or say things which are rooted in wisdom if it makes me look to be the heavy even, then I'm not really a parent, but a feel good positive reaffirmation machine.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:21 pm to Mike da Tigah
(no message)
This post was edited on 10/22/17 at 3:26 pm
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:25 pm to Champagne
quote:
American culture has progressed to the point where we want to treat our children like babies for their entire lives. That's why so many kids can't grow up -- Mommy and Daddy WANT THEM to be babies.
It kind of makes sense though. We're living a lot longer than our society previously did. Life expectancy a century ago for men was 45 years old. Now its 77. So in turn certain periods of life are being spread out more. If we're going to be living and working longer, why shouldn't childhood? Granted 28 is way too long for that to go on, but say next generation or so when life expectancy is 90-100 years old, what then? It's strange.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:25 pm to Bama323_15
quote:
I think that you have hit on what the OP is asking...is this a red flag because it is obviously accepted in this family. And he obviously has concerns about this.
I think that's why you have to clear it up, and base a commitment on this being unacceptable if you get married, and then once you can agree, and there's a level of confidence that upon marriage, that's absolutely not acceptable, then do it. If not, and it's just a play thing, then absolutely none of this matters anyway because it's a fling. Pop out the back door and tell her you'll call her later. But be honest about it.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:28 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
Mine were too, and they have always wished for my happiness as well, but they were also parents and not happy happy joy joy boxes with no direction or instruction to assist me. If I see someone is in danger and don't try to divert their course, or say things which are rooted in wisdom if it makes me look to be the heavy even, then I'm not really a parent, but a feel good positive reaffirmation machine.
Oh, god, she's a 28 year old woman probably sleeping with a man that has only treated her well for 7 months. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:33 pm to lsuwontonwrap
If the mom thing is the only problem you see in her then I'd marry her over the weekend. It's a non issue and easily resolvable by a conversation and you being more careful.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:37 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
If I see someone is in danger and don't try to divert their course, or say things which are rooted in wisdom if it makes me look to be the heavy even
Who said anything about the daughter being in danger and needing help? You are simply making things up now.
She's a 28 year old woman who chose to have her long term boyfriend sleep over and that is none of her parents business period.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:38 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
Oh, god, she's a 28 year old woman probably sleeping with a man that has only treated her well for 7 months. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!
I feel certain that 7 months is a real lifetime to you, and nobody really sells themselves in dating. Nah... How many times I've seen this shite before in my life is beyond me. Boy meets girl, boy and girl hook up, boy/girl find better boy/girl and off to the other boy/girl and all is forgotten like it never happened, unless it hurts one or there's an effect to it. Then it's a big deal all of a sudden.
You know less than anything about life and fact is you just don't want limits or no. You're the epitome of that generation. I'm sorry. I had parents, not enablers.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:38 pm to Mike da Tigah
I'm sorry you don't have enough faith in how how raised your children to adulthood that you don't trust that they can make decisions for themselves as adults.
You can still show loving concern as a parent but let your child be the adult they are and make their own decisions and deal with the consequences like every other adult does.
Barging in on a Saturday morning at 8 am unannounced is not showing concern.....it's trying to be controlling.
You can still show loving concern as a parent but let your child be the adult they are and make their own decisions and deal with the consequences like every other adult does.
Barging in on a Saturday morning at 8 am unannounced is not showing concern.....it's trying to be controlling.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:41 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
I feel certain that 7 months is a real lifetime to you, and nobody really sells themselves in dating. Nah... How many times I've seen this shite before in my life is beyond me. Boy meets girl, boy and girl hook up, boy/girl find better boy/girl and off to the other boy/girl and all is forgotten like it never happened, unless it hurts one or there's an effect to it. Then it's a big deal all of a sudden.
Yeah, I think 7 months is enough time to realize that he's not going to brutally stab her in her sleep or steal her jewelry while she sleeps.
quote:
You know less than anything about life and fact is you just don't want limits or no. You're the epitome of that generation. I'm sorry. I had parents, not enablers.
No, you've lost all memory of being 28. I doubt you'd be too pleased if your parents walked in completely unannounced at that time, but you've long forgotten it in your "wisdom". How about you listen to people your daughter's age, and realize that she and your other children likely resent you for being a control freak.
This post was edited on 3/2/14 at 7:43 pm
Posted on 3/2/14 at 7:52 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
Yeah, I think 7 months is enough time to realize that he's not going to brutally stab her in her sleep or steal her jewelry while she sleeps.
Really? So all you have to do is date for 7 months, and that's the cure?
quote:
No, you've lost all memory of being 28.
I was five years into marriage and moving about the country by that time, but no, I remember it, and I also learned a little along the way, but we only had books and didn't have google or the internet, so I'm sure you could school me in short order.
I swear, It sure sounds like I'm reasoning with a kid though. Perhaps because that's the argument I used with my parents when I was a teenager.
You just don't get me or my generation. .
This post was edited on 3/2/14 at 7:55 pm
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