quote:
I'm looking for guy opinions. My dad (who knows this guy's father which is how I met him) doesn't like him. We've been on a few dates (no sex) and he's smart, good looking and seems nice to me. He's 34, works in banking. He has been divorced twice, no children. Neither marriage lasted very long, and he says he made bad choices. My dad says the women "threw his arse out because he's a liar." He lives with his mother (he doesn't get along with his dad and his parents are divorced) which worries me a little. But, we see eye to eye on politics and other stuff --- if he's telling me the truth. Dad says he's "full of shite" and just telling me what I want to hear.

He told me he has credit issues because of his divorces.

He went to the University of California. He's against guns which is an area we disagree on.

He brought up a relationship. Dad often doesn't know what he is talking about. What do you think based on the limited information I have given?

- Usually not good if your family doesn't like the person you're with. Not a deal breaker but it is potentially disastrous.
- You say he's smart and then outline many not so smart indicators about him. You should flesh this out and figure out what ways he's smart and what ways he's dumb.
- Works in banking - what does that mean? Is he content to just cash checks or is he moving up, does he want to move up, is he in a good position like a career position or entry level and why, where is he headed?
- Divorced twice. You need more information on how all of that went down.
- Tell him you want more information on his 'bad choices'. That said, people are entitled to their privacy and he may not feel comfortable enough to let it all out. You can be understanding of his reluctance to tell you everything, but at a certain point you will either feel comfortable or not.
- You should ask your dad for more details on what he knows. That will help you determine if your dad has solid facts or just doesn't like him.
- Definitely need to know why he lives with his mother. There are legit reasons. Does she have health issues? Are there things that need to be done at her house that he is working on? I'm of the opinion that unless there are compelling reasons, a man should not be at his parents' house at that age. I think it's more respectable to live in a tent and rebuild your life after bad things happen, than to go back to the parents. Again, there should be a compelling reason for him to be there.
- Character > politics. You need to flesh out character issues and who he is before worrying about his politics.
- Have to say, the divorces, maybe getting kicked out by his ex's for being a liar, living with his mom....all of that is consistent with someone that would just tell you what you want to hear.
- Credit issues...majority of the population has them at least once. Divorce can do it. Does he listen to the Dave Ramsey radio show? Has he taken Financial Peace University course? What I mean is - are there any indicators he realizes he needs to restore his credit, his savings, and so forth? It's not all that big of a deal for a person to be in a hole. It is a big deal if they aren't trying to get out of it. Being that he's in a hole, how is he with money? Look for indicators here.
- Did he graduate from college? What is his degree in? Where is he headed with it in the bank?
- If he's judgmental about the gun issue, that's going to be an issue later on. But all the character issues need to be figured out first.

He seems immature and might have some real character flaws. The UC system isn't cheap. Does he have a mountain of student loan debt too?

Does he have a nice car or other toys? Paid off or making payments? If he has debt issues he should be liquidating things to eliminate payments and get out of that hole.