re: I'm not crazy, you're crazy - Borderline Personality Disorder

Yep.

Step 1 for me came after I got the official, medical diagnosis. I took her to a hospital and had a psyche eval done on her.

THen I found a counselor to explain it to me, break it down for me - in no particular order....

#1 She's about as developed as a 14 yr old girl (TRUE) Petty. 1st grader type shite.

#2 Impulsive behavior with money, loves new relationships
#3 Ability to cut the cord on the most sacred of relationships. Meaning, she'll turn it all on her own parents and never speak to them until they bow down.

#4 Extreme highs and lows. Holy cow the HATRED in her once she's pissed when she doesn't get her way or you don't take her side in one of her petty problems

#5 Has strong feelings of abandonment

#6 Can't stay at jobs very long

So finally, the last time I was with him, he told me that I had to stop pretending.

Stop pre-tending that she was capable of doing any of the things I had seen her fail at 5011 times.

Stop Pretending. She's NOT CAPABLE.

Example, the checkbook. Over 10 years "who" paid bills and managed our money changed hands 72 times. I'm a bill payer. She isn't. I would take over the checkbook from her after we got notices of lights or whatever going to be cut off because she didn't pay them. Then I paid the bills and told her "no" when it came to dumb-shite spending. Which would lead to more fights and more insanity.

After I left his office that day, I took complete control of our finances and never gave in.

After we split up for the last time, I hired an attorney who was a former elementary school Asst Principal. Then I called around searching for a terapist that had years of experience with BPD's....cause I knew I needed help fighting the crazy.

I filed for divorce and custody. Saw my therapist weekly for a while.... and once I got my bearings I sat back and watched as the ex imploded.... waiting the 1 full year to get her in front of a judge. And it was glorious.

Again, if I can do it, you can do it.

We have to get to a place where we stop allowing them to be right, and we know better. Once we know they are turning it around on us... this is their game. Their trap and they are masters and experts at it.

We have to realize they aren't capable of behaving, being good people, or being honest and we have to stop trying to help them because you can't. BPD's can't be helped.

They play the blame game and the victim their entire lives. They are master manipulators and that's the world they live in.

You can't keep up with them, and you cannot predict their next crazy round of crazy dumbshit. They'll lie right in your face and it's completely acceptable.

They will always have an enemy, or two. And they will always get off on the triangle game....

Triangle - She complains and complains to you about how awful Melissa the co-worker is. Or Jessica the cousin. Endlessly. Melissa is the meanest, most unreasonable witch in the world.... she will say.

Meanwhile, she is telling Melissa the co-worker how bad of a husband you are... whihc most of it is made up lies or something you did after she's got you fighting mad.

Regardless, if you and Melissa the co-worker ever meet, their might be some evil eye, some whispering, or .... a blow up.

This is part of their games and they are experts.

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Once you get under the spell of a borderline, it's crazy what you will accept/ put up with for a while.

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It is incredibly difficult to move on from. After a period of time you become conditioned to the extreme highs and extreme lows. Your brain will literally crave the chemicals/hormones that these extreme emotional states put your body into. It's truly nuts how you can crave something that's so inherently unhealthy

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Dealing with someone who has bpd just sucks the life out of you. Anytime they enter a room, it seems as if all the energy is being sucked up.

<—— masters of counseling… I HATE dealing with bpd.

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They're definitely the hardest to treat, because they're almost never consistent with therapy. And almost never consistent with medication management. They'll try to manipulate their therapist, they won't show up for sessions half of the time, etc.

The other issues as well is that insurances want the client to be at least 18 when you diagnose for BPD. The recent DSM has changed the criteria to under 18 but insurances are still fighting against it. And when you have to have persistence of symptoms of at least a year and they are on/off with therapy it makes it hard to address it in their teens. And it can definitely start showing up in their teens.

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Found myself apologizing even when I knew damn good and well I wasnt wrong. Just trying to keep the peace is what I would tell myself

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Wears on you, start to question reality eventually.

Imagine, it’s a Tuesday. You’re 5-6 years in. You come home from work and she starts telling you about Melissa, the co-worker.

“You shoulda seen the look she gave me when I…. I heard them whispering over there too”

PAUSE!

You’re 5-6 years in and this is her 8th or 9th job and there is a “Melissa” at every damn one. So you’ve heard this crap 3 times a week, 7-8 jobs, for 5 or 6 years. And you’re sick of it.

“Babe, it’s a job. You’re filling prescriptions for sick people. How difficult can it be? Is that how it really happened?

And holy cow, you didn’t take her side…. And now she’s F-U, divorce you, fighting mad…. And it’s time to throw down. Kids in the house, all that.

Screaming and yelling. Door-slamming. Name-calling.

And all you were trying to do was get a warm plate of food, get in your chair and watch the game.

Now your arse is in big trouble. On a Tuesday.

And by the way, it’s all YOUR fault. You’re not helping her enough!

Like I said, I could write a book … Borderline’s are the absolute worst.

Trust-breakers. Rule-breakers. No respect for anyones boundaries, their time, their wallets, etc. They push you beyond your limits … to your wits-end.

Nope. You want it STFU.

Just get up the next morning on her alarm and for her to get out the door on time and for her to not be late, AGAIN, to work. Just a couple days in a row.

No thanks

It’s just generally what you think about basically every topic on this board…