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re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by fr33manator on 9/15/21 at 8:11 pm to fr33manator
I wrote this one from my experiences watching old people I love struggle with Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Window
Well he’s watching through the window while it rains,
Seeing the world go by like a picture in a frame,
Heavens tears are making rivers upon glass,
When the clock is moving slow and the time won’t pass,
he sees the postman as he brings the Letters by,
But for him he don’t bring anything but bills,
Sitting in staccato silence as the raindrops beat a tune,
as the water puddles on the windowsill,
And every day he’s watching, waiting,
Praying, someday she’ll return,
He don’t remember that’s she’s sitting,
On the mantle in an urn,
And the names to all the faces,
In the pictures on the wall,
Locked up deep within in his mind,
But his lips just can’t recall,
He knows they’re there,
It just ain’t fair,
Losing everyone he knows,
Tears fall like rain,
As the man remains,
But the memory goes,
Once he was tall and strong and sturdy,
As an oak,
He was their rock against which storms of life were broke,
Now when they visit they see tears in his old eyes,
But the fog’s too thick to reminisce, on happy times gone by,
On his good days, he’ll remember,
Her perfume and taste her kiss,
Tries to hold on but it’s gone,
Like a ship lost in the mist,
All his memories in tatters,
Like a mirror lying shattered,
On the ground,
So much lost,
And never found,
And every day he’s watching, waiting
Praying, someday she’ll return,
He don’t remember that’s she’s sitting,
On the mantle in an urn,
And the names to all the faces,
In the pictures on the wall,
Locked up deep within in his mind,
But his lips just can’t recall,
He knows they’re there,
It just ain’t fair,
Losing everyone he knows,
Tears fall like rain,
As the man remains,
But the memory goes,
And tonight he’ll go,
As the cold winds blow,
And the mem’ries fall like rain,
But he wears a smile,
Because it’s been a while,
And now she’s in his arms again
Window
Well he’s watching through the window while it rains,
Seeing the world go by like a picture in a frame,
Heavens tears are making rivers upon glass,
When the clock is moving slow and the time won’t pass,
he sees the postman as he brings the Letters by,
But for him he don’t bring anything but bills,
Sitting in staccato silence as the raindrops beat a tune,
as the water puddles on the windowsill,
And every day he’s watching, waiting,
Praying, someday she’ll return,
He don’t remember that’s she’s sitting,
On the mantle in an urn,
And the names to all the faces,
In the pictures on the wall,
Locked up deep within in his mind,
But his lips just can’t recall,
He knows they’re there,
It just ain’t fair,
Losing everyone he knows,
Tears fall like rain,
As the man remains,
But the memory goes,
Once he was tall and strong and sturdy,
As an oak,
He was their rock against which storms of life were broke,
Now when they visit they see tears in his old eyes,
But the fog’s too thick to reminisce, on happy times gone by,
On his good days, he’ll remember,
Her perfume and taste her kiss,
Tries to hold on but it’s gone,
Like a ship lost in the mist,
All his memories in tatters,
Like a mirror lying shattered,
On the ground,
So much lost,
And never found,
And every day he’s watching, waiting
Praying, someday she’ll return,
He don’t remember that’s she’s sitting,
On the mantle in an urn,
And the names to all the faces,
In the pictures on the wall,
Locked up deep within in his mind,
But his lips just can’t recall,
He knows they’re there,
It just ain’t fair,
Losing everyone he knows,
Tears fall like rain,
As the man remains,
But the memory goes,
And tonight he’ll go,
As the cold winds blow,
And the mem’ries fall like rain,
But he wears a smile,
Because it’s been a while,
And now she’s in his arms again
This post was edited on 9/15 at 8:13 pm
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by Tigers2010a on 9/15/21 at 8:14 pm to Chad504boy
quote:
Still gives me anxiety thinking about the thought of being gone from this earth forever.
It is very difficult to consider death if you believe everything ends upon death. If you believe this life is only a part of your journey which is never ending, if you really believe that, it is not quite as hard.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by Chad504boy on 9/15/21 at 8:16 pm to Tigers2010a
quote:
If you believe this life is only a part of your journey which is never ending, if you really believe that, it is not quite as hard.
Makes you question the true subconscious intentions of people w faith
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by RogerTheShrubber on 9/15/21 at 8:18 pm to DaBeerz
I may be at that stage very soon. I've put a lot of thought into it, and missing out on my grandkids growing up makes me cry sometimes..
But I'm ok with it beyond that. I did what I wanted despite it not profiting a lot. Made mistakes, made amends, and am in a good place in the community.
I have my oncologist appt in a week, will know more. If it is what I fear, I will not tell my kids or grandkids yet, not til after the first of the year.
But spiritually, emotionally, I'm in a good spot to check out if it comes to that. Its been a good life. Never was rich, never wanted to be. I wanted some adventures and think I've done ok. I've been ill for more than 6 years and handled it well. I intend to go out with grace.
I was terrified of death as a younger guy, but that fades as you age.
But I'm ok with it beyond that. I did what I wanted despite it not profiting a lot. Made mistakes, made amends, and am in a good place in the community.
I have my oncologist appt in a week, will know more. If it is what I fear, I will not tell my kids or grandkids yet, not til after the first of the year.
But spiritually, emotionally, I'm in a good spot to check out if it comes to that. Its been a good life. Never was rich, never wanted to be. I wanted some adventures and think I've done ok. I've been ill for more than 6 years and handled it well. I intend to go out with grace.
I was terrified of death as a younger guy, but that fades as you age.
This post was edited on 9/15 at 8:19 pm
quote:Then he doesn’t have all y’all’s email addresses. Shame on y'all that he can’t copy and paste all the facebook stuff that y’all missed.
He said there’s nothing left here for him to do
________________________
@Roger.
This post was edited on 9/15 at 8:20 pm
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by QuietTiger on 9/15/21 at 8:18 pm to fr33manator
Amen!
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by Chad504boy on 9/15/21 at 8:21 pm to RogerTheShrubber
damn roger. Hope the best for you bud.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by RogerTheShrubber on 9/15/21 at 8:23 pm to Chad504boy
Its all good. Things go the way they go, I'm planning on giving it my best shot, but you notice changes in your body.
I'm not sad for me. Its been a great run, if that time is indeed on the horizon. I have no one I hate, no anger against anyone. Just worry about the kids and grandkids and the world they'll inherit.
I'm not sad for me. Its been a great run, if that time is indeed on the horizon. I have no one I hate, no anger against anyone. Just worry about the kids and grandkids and the world they'll inherit.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by Odysseus32 on 9/15/21 at 8:24 pm to Evil Little Thing
quote:
Having faith helps. If you believe in an afterlife, it makes the thought of death less final. And if you’re wrong, you’ll never know. Win-win.
I've never understood this. I get it's a win-win if you truly believe, but other than that you're kidding yourself.
I can't make myself believe something, and if god is omnipotent and all knowing, he knows I'd be full of shite if I went to church every Sunday because I'm terrified of going to hell/burning for eternity.
If you call yourself a Christian because you're scared of what happens next, I got some bad news.
This post was edited on 9/15 at 8:25 pm
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by AboveGroundPool on 9/15/21 at 8:24 pm to Bmath
quote:
My Grandpa is 95 His mind is 100% but his body is not He’s told us for the last few years he was ready, he said 95 is too long to live He worked hard his entire life to provide for his family, he’s watched his kids, grandkids & great grandchild grow up & become productive adults He’s buried a son & his wife He said there’s nothing left here for him to do
This. My grandpa is in his mid 80s and can still do all things for himself. Imagine everyone and everything you knew growing old and dying off, friends and family that you loved. I have heard him make the comment that very very few of his buddies are left...can really weigh on a man
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re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by NOLA1128 on 9/15/21 at 8:25 pm to fr33manator
My grandmother (80, with a myriad of health issues) told me last year when COVID started that she hoped she would be here long enough to see her first great grandchild. He came in February of this year. We went to visit (LA to FL) for the first time since COVID started, as some family members are high risk, so that family could meet him for a week. As we were saying our goodbyes she, away from everyone else, said “baby, don’t worry about me anymore. I’ve seen all I’ve wanted to see.”
It was chilling, but I think that’s it. When you’ve lived a long life and seen/accomplished all you’d hope for your children and their children, you reflect more on the good you’ve seen and in many situations started. On top of that, being a Christian has to help a lot (which I am trying my best to find my faith again as a Marine who has questioned things since deployment) as the teaching is that death is only the beginning.
Complete speculation on my part though. I’m almost 30, but can’t even imagine wanting to live beyond by 70s.
It was chilling, but I think that’s it. When you’ve lived a long life and seen/accomplished all you’d hope for your children and their children, you reflect more on the good you’ve seen and in many situations started. On top of that, being a Christian has to help a lot (which I am trying my best to find my faith again as a Marine who has questioned things since deployment) as the teaching is that death is only the beginning.
Complete speculation on my part though. I’m almost 30, but can’t even imagine wanting to live beyond by 70s.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by kywildcatfanone on 9/15/21 at 8:28 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
I've never understood this. I get it's a win-win if you truly believe, but other than that you're kidding yourself.
I can't make myself believe something, and if god is omnipotent and all knowing, he knows I'd be full of shite if I went to church every Sunday because I'm terrified of going to hell/burning for eternity.
If you call yourself a Christian because you're scared of what happens next, I got some bad news.
You think being scared of hell is why Christians are Christians?
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by PeteRose on 9/15/21 at 8:30 pm to Chad504boy
quote:
Still gives me anxiety thinking about the thought of being gone from this earth forever.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Think of all the annoying things and people in life you done dealing with. No more taking out the trash. No more dealing with hot LA weather, no more property tax, no more paying health insurance, no more seeing bama win national titles.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by ForLSU56 on 9/15/21 at 8:32 pm to Chad504boy
I just give thanks each day for the 64+ wonderful years I been blessed with. Perfect, nope but pretty damn good. For the remaining seconds, minutes, days....I have left, I don't have time to worry about when "the finality" will be.
Stop worrying about something you have absolutely no control over and go enjoy life...damn
Stop worrying about something you have absolutely no control over and go enjoy life...damn
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by TSmith on 9/15/21 at 8:32 pm to Chad504boy
My dad is 83. Still goes fishing. Still goes turkey hunting. Stays active. I think that if you are still able to stay active, you’ll be happy until the end. He complains about boredom, but he’s surrounded by family. He has four children. I think the happiest people late in life are those with the most children and grandchildren. If you’rea good person, like my dad… your family will be near you, as we are with my dad.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by piratedude on 9/15/21 at 8:33 pm to Chad504boy
life wears you down and changes your mind. the harder it is to live, the more we start thinking about going home. what seems like a threat when we're full of piss and vinegar starts to look more like a warm hug.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by kywildcatfanone on 9/15/21 at 8:33 pm to AboveGroundPool
quote:
This. My grandpa is in his mid 80s and can still do all things for himself. Imagine everyone and everything you knew growing old and dying off, friends and family that you loved. I have heard him make the comment that very very few of his buddies are left...can really weigh on a man
Every male friend my FIL had has died. It's made him very despondent and quiet in a lot of ways.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by OweO on 9/15/21 at 8:34 pm to Chad504boy
I have an aunt who is 88 years old. She still mows her grass, etc. As active as she can be, but her mind isn't as sharp as it was.. a year ago. And she now makes comments about about how she will be passing on soon (not in those exact words, but she just refers to dying) and its as if she is completely at peace with it.
When you get to a certain age I guess you have no choice but to come to peace with it. Im sure its much easier when you are that age, but its one thing we are guaranteed to do.
I just look at it like... Before I was born. You just don't exist. When you pass away, times keeps going on and you are no longer part of it anymore.
With that said, if there is ever an opportunity where our brain can be placed into an alternative body with the ability to live forever, I know a lot of people wouldn't want that, but I would. I just want to see how this.. The world evolves.
When you get to a certain age I guess you have no choice but to come to peace with it. Im sure its much easier when you are that age, but its one thing we are guaranteed to do.
I just look at it like... Before I was born. You just don't exist. When you pass away, times keeps going on and you are no longer part of it anymore.
With that said, if there is ever an opportunity where our brain can be placed into an alternative body with the ability to live forever, I know a lot of people wouldn't want that, but I would. I just want to see how this.. The world evolves.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by Odysseus32 on 9/15/21 at 8:36 pm to kywildcatfanone
quote:
You think being scared of hell is why Christians are Christians?
Not at all what I said, but have a good laugh.
But, to correct you, I think many Christians are Christians because they fear the unknown of what comes after death, and they can't cope with it in any other way.
re: How do elderly come to better terms with the finality of death?Posted by bayoudude on 9/15/21 at 8:38 pm to Chad504boy
Faith is important
Another thing old people have told me is that once you get old enough almost all your friends are dead. I feel sorry for all those dual income no kid types. There will come a time when they are alone and miserable.
Another thing old people have told me is that once you get old enough almost all your friends are dead. I feel sorry for all those dual income no kid types. There will come a time when they are alone and miserable.
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