re: Dealing with a break up as a father

I haven't read any of the responses yet. I just wanted to tell you that it won't always be as hard as it is right now. This is the worst. You'll get through this and one day realize that you're a better, happier person and father than you would have been trying to live in an unhappy marriage. And don't listen to anyone trying to say you should stay together no matter what, your kid is better off having happy parents who live apart than unhappy parents living together.

The answer to this problem is pretty obvious. You need to bang her sister and/or Mom. She'll lose her mind, get committed, and you get full custody.

Your woman is supposed to be the love of your life. Kids are guests. Well loved guests, but guests nevertheless.

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She was not like this for the first 3 years of marriage. She started getting mean and would rage during pregnancy but I chalked it up to hormones. Sadly a year later and she is still negative and very confrontational.

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I do not post on the OT often and this is a long post but I hope you read it:

If your wife was a different person the entire time you've known her up until she had a baby and that was only a year ago then your wife is going though extreme postpartum depression. You need to seek help in the form of counciling. And you need to be proactive about her triggers and mood swings. And you need to understand that you cannot shake her out of this, but you can help her get through it. It is part of child birth and it is part of marriage.

Postpartum depression is a very real and very terrible experience for all involved. And it is unfortunately rarely discussed or talked about.

Take it from someone who experienced it, Postpartum depression is a horrendously terrible thing to watch someone go through, it makes you feel worthless and angry and miserable, and it can fill you with resentment towards your wife, but they do eventually get over it. It takes time. And counseling is a great thing.

Your wife probably feels alone and unloved. It is not totally your fault, but you can do things to help. You need to remember that your wife comes first. He screaming and arguing with you is a cry for help. And you refusing to engage or just leaving the room does nothing to help that.

I learned how to do little things that helped her mood and avoid certain topics and situations that infuriated her and after about a year and half of misery she got back to normal and now our relationship is stronger than ever.

If you truly plan to be married until death, a year or so of battling depression together after a kid is nothing in the long run.

My wife and I made it through that brutal time. I wanted to leave sometimes. She wanted to leave somethings. We said things we never meant and we had arguments that shook the house. But we made it through that brutal time.... We made it through that three separate times. But in it all we gained a deeper and greater appreciation and love for each other. I agree with most posters here that I would absolutely be devistated to not see my kids everyday, but I would be equally if not more so devistated to not see my wife everyday. I absolutely and completely love that woman and I would do anything for her. A few rough years raising adjusting to life after kids is just part of life.

As for how to approach counciling, I knew my wife would never just go to a therapist. So I found a family therapy psychologist that came very highly recommended and specialized in new families and postpartum. I told my wife that I wanted to work on myself and I would be starting to see a therapist once a month. I was upfront with the therapist and it helped to talk to him. After a couple of months my wife asked to go with me. It got better from there.

Marriage is hard work. Love is hard work. Good luck. I hope you can work it out.

Trashy

Great post.

Oh, granted it fricked me up. At least when I Cuckold a man I do it in the flesh and don’t have to catfish someone.

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Your kid is going to have damage regardless of what you do.

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I run across a shite load of single parents, seems like it's become the norm with anyone born after the early 80s.

But I also do live in LA.

I’m trapped.

I keep wanting to throw in the towel and leave but she won’t pack my suitcase.