Simmons goes in pretty hard on Gruden in his weekly column

Thank God Simmons has finally started writing a weekly column again, after more than 2-3 years off. This week's column wasn't as good as the most recent ones, but there's a section where he goes after Gruden and ESPN much harder than usual. The ESPN bit is to be expected, but the Gruden section makes me wonder if there is bad blood between the two. I don't know if any history between them, and I can't imagine they would interact all that much back when he was on ESPN.

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One of the many best things about the Romo-on-TV era? He exposed color analysts like Jon Gruden, ESPN’s handsomely paid star who won’t ever criticize a quarterback or a coach, isn’t funny and rarely offers anything beyond generic bullshite. ESPN loves Gruden because ESPN is run, for the most part, by middle-aged white guys who spent the past 15-25 years living in central Connecticut. Every time Gruden strolls into a production room or a broadcast truck, starts doling out firm handshakes and remembers everyone’s names, they probably react like they just saw Chris Rock on stage in 1997.

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Quick tangent: When I did NBA Countdown for two years, every so often during the playoffs when we were on location, the suits would show up to offer “support”—usually in Miami, not so coincidentally. They’d arrive at our preshow meeting wearing blue dress shirts and khaki pants. Usually there were two of them, and again, they were always dressed the same. I nicknamed them the Blue Shirt and Khaki Police (or BSKP for short). They’d sit in our meetings, offer nothing, then spend the rest of their time recapping the previous night’s dinner at Prime 112.

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You know what Jon Gruden is probably great at? Buttering up the Blue Shirt and Khaki Police! Hey man! How are ya! How’s the family? So glad you enjoyed last week’s Gruden Grinder! Love ya bro! The BSKP loves that. They love feeling special. Bristol doesn’t want to deal with the Jemele Hills of the world who might actually have something to say. They want former coaches who spout clichés and hand out contrived awards. You know who my Gruden Grinder is this week? Khalil Mack! Is he tough or what? He’ll have that job for another 12 years as long as he keeps throwing around big handshakes and love-ya-bros.

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