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"Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future"

Posted on 12/15/19 at 9:21 am
Posted by tigerpawl
Can't get there from here.
Member since Dec 2003
22209 posts
Posted on 12/15/19 at 9:21 am


Just listened to a couple of clips from Dan Pena. I like his style and message - although he's a bit top-heavy on materialism.

Curious to know how many here have "jettisoned" 1 or more so-called friends or business associates over the last decade and saw them as roadblocks to your own success.
This post was edited on 12/15/19 at 10:02 am
Posted by CenlaLowell
Alexandria, la
Member since Apr 2016
1011 posts
Posted on 12/15/19 at 10:00 am to
I have really no friends only work associates and my family. That quote is correct.
This post was edited on 12/15/19 at 10:01 am
Posted by XanderCrews
Member since Mar 2009
774 posts
Posted on 12/15/19 at 10:20 am to
(no message)
This post was edited on 12/21/21 at 1:19 pm
Posted by Azazello
Member since Sep 2011
3180 posts
Posted on 12/15/19 at 10:46 am to
"You're the average of the five people you most associate with"

Can't remember where I heard it, but this stuck with me
Posted by jmarto1
Houma, LA/ Las Vegas, NV
Member since Mar 2008
33810 posts
Posted on 12/15/19 at 3:44 pm to
It is akin to the saying 'If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room". I totally agree with it.
Posted by Chef Free Gold Bloom
Wherever I’m needed
Member since Dec 2019
1364 posts
Posted on 12/15/19 at 6:28 pm to
I absolutely believe this is a true statement.

Judge a man by the company he keeps.

Posted by Coon
La 56 Southbound
Member since Feb 2005
18492 posts
Posted on 12/15/19 at 6:29 pm to
Damn, my friends need new friends.
Posted by soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
65423 posts
Posted on 12/17/19 at 1:48 am to
quote:

"You're the average of the five people you most associate with"
I’ll take that.

I’m not sure all five of them would have the same response about me specifically.
Posted by StringedInstruments
Member since Oct 2013
18293 posts
Posted on 12/17/19 at 6:16 am to
Can’t speak for career but as a musician, this is an extremely important piece of advice. There are many, many talented people out there who know how to play an instrument. There are only a few who are mature and professional in their craft.

By cultivating relationships with the right people around six years ago and moving on from relationships with the wrong people, I went from a person with musical talent who plays in his bedroom to someone who makes ~$750/month with his hobby.
Posted by tigerpawl
Can't get there from here.
Member since Dec 2003
22209 posts
Posted on 12/17/19 at 7:27 am to
quote:

and moving on from relationships with the wrong people
This is me. And I’m not talking about romantic relationships. I cut ties with a couple of people I knew for over 20 years. People with a problem for every solution.

Maybe I’m a slow learner…
Posted by BestBanker
Member since Nov 2011
17473 posts
Posted on 12/17/19 at 8:52 am to
I'm curious. What does he say about those that don't have friends? Asking for a friend.
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
61041 posts
Posted on 12/17/19 at 9:06 am to
I understand the meaning of this but it's quite elitist and materialist.

Are you saying someone who works for a non-profit at a homeless shelter where they're around homeless people all day is going to be reduced to the behaviors and intellect of homeless people?

Are teachers at inner city schools who spend most of their days teaching troubled youths doomed to be like said troubled youths?

This mentality cuts against reaching a hand out to the downtrodden. It seems to push you towards only associating with those above you while giving a middle finger to those "beneath" you.

Should no one ever associate with people of lower class/wealth/status? Taking this literally seems to indicate yes.
Posted by Decisions
Member since Mar 2015
1471 posts
Posted on 12/17/19 at 9:22 am to
quote:

If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room


This statement is entirely dependent upon what I’m trying to accomplish in the room.

quote:

Should no one ever associate with people of lower class/wealth/status? Taking this literally seems to indicate yes.


The statement is less about associating with wealth/class/status and much more so about mindset. You can be poor but have an inquisitive mind/great work ethic. That’s a person I want to spend lots of time associating with. On the flip side a rich do-nothing does nothing for me.
This post was edited on 12/17/19 at 9:23 am
Posted by hungryone
river parishes
Member since Sep 2010
11987 posts
Posted on 12/17/19 at 9:46 am to
quote:

I understand the meaning of this but it's quite elitist and materialist.

Are you saying someone who works for a non-profit at a homeless shelter where they're around homeless people all day is going to be reduced to the behaviors and intellect of homeless people?

Are teachers at inner city schools who spend most of their days teaching troubled youths doomed to be like said troubled youths?

Agree that it's a ridiculously reductive statement. Many of us live around, work with, and have family/friends that run the gamut of social status, academic accomplishment, and material success. Perhaps if you are merely a nakedly ambitious, success/career driven person, this philosophy works for you....but what a sad, one-dimensional life.

Isn't a much better approach to see people for what they are? Enjoy your soccer buddies for the pickup games, but don't necessarily build a whole life around that. Know that your friends from high school still make you laugh until you cry, but they're not the people to give you career advice. Stay in touch with your crazy-arse Pentecostal backwoods cousins, who can find deer on a foggy morning, but don't get caught up in their End Times worldview that precludes saving for retirement.

In short, strive to be a well-rounded person who thoughtfully considers everyone he/she encounters....who is smart enough to ignore reductive advice dispensed by so-called gurus.

Also, many of the ills of contemporary America are caused by lack of empathy/understanding/no common ground. If you surround yourself with "just" the right sort of person, what hope do you have of understanding and appreciating the breadth of people in our 21st century USA? Pay attention to the people NOT like you, you might actually learn something useful.
Posted by CarlBrutananadilews
Member since Oct 2019
392 posts
Posted on 12/19/19 at 10:13 am to
This is a nice little thread for the new year.

Posted by barry
Location, Location, Location
Member since Aug 2006
50336 posts
Posted on 12/19/19 at 10:39 am to
Posted by Paul Allen
Montauk, NY
Member since Nov 2007
75097 posts
Posted on 12/19/19 at 11:40 am to
Your network determines your net worth.
Posted by MrJimBeam
Member since Apr 2009
12236 posts
Posted on 12/19/19 at 12:32 pm to
I think the premise of the statement makes sense and gets people to think about how they are spending their time. Surround yourself with people and activities that make you better, regardless of what that is. I've made some tough choices on friendships in recent years after having a revelation that I was spinning my tires with those that didn't challenge me to become greater. It's tough when you've been so close to some of these people, but over time I've realized it's been one of the best decisions I've ever had to make for myself. Since then, I've noticed such a better path of decisions on all aspects of my life between business, marriage, and overall health. Much clearer on where I am going and want to be moving forward.

/rant
Posted by hungryone
river parishes
Member since Sep 2010
11987 posts
Posted on 12/19/19 at 2:26 pm to
quote:

Surround yourself with people and activities that make you better, regardless of what that is.

I like that sentiment--it acknowledges that 'better' doesn't necessarily mean material things. And it leaves room for the realization that sometimes, the people/activities that make you better bring you into contact with those who aren't successful: IOW, sometimes, your betterment is realizing that you need to lead, offer a helping hand, share your knowledge, assist someone who is faltering, or otherwise provide support.
Posted by hubertcumberdale
Member since Nov 2009
6449 posts
Posted on 12/19/19 at 2:58 pm to
Lol, so what if dropping all your friends in exchange for 'better' ones doesnt make you a better person/more successful? Then youre still a loser but with no friends?
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