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Posted on 4/22/19 at 5:57 am to joeytiger
For me the worst part was the first 6 months, then after about 1 year I decided to move to get away to a new location, and that helped too.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 5:58 am to joeytiger
I would buy a book about co-dependency and read it. The best thing you can do for yourself is to learn to enjoy being comfortable in your own skin and spending time alone.
Then take a trip by yourself and do whatever YOU want. Do not sit in the house you shared and torture yourself with memories.
I hope you feel better soon.
Then take a trip by yourself and do whatever YOU want. Do not sit in the house you shared and torture yourself with memories.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 7:53 am to joeytiger
quote:
No proof she cheated, but she’s giving me everything I want because she probably feels guilty
A billion % chance she cheated and you know good and well this is why.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 8:01 am to joeytiger
My dog has separation anxiety when we leave him alone, the vet gave us some low dose Xanax, maybe try that.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 8:15 am to joeytiger
It took me right up to the time that my ex poisoned and killed my dog.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 8:17 am to joeytiger
My parents just got divorced and my dad took it hard like it seems like you are. He used to mock people with mental health issues but for 6 months after the split he was taking xanax, an anti depressant, and drinking every night just to get by. My sister and I had to take care of him for a lot of it.
My suggestion would be to talk to a therapist about it, make sure you're getting out of the house, getting exercise and stay off the booze. Alcohol makes emotions more extreme so drinking when you're feeling down is going to make it much much worse.
Other than that, it just takes time It's been about a year since my mom left my dad and he's finally getting back to normal.
My suggestion would be to talk to a therapist about it, make sure you're getting out of the house, getting exercise and stay off the booze. Alcohol makes emotions more extreme so drinking when you're feeling down is going to make it much much worse.
Other than that, it just takes time It's been about a year since my mom left my dad and he's finally getting back to normal.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 8:57 am to joeytiger
What was the reasoning for this decision?
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:01 am to RJL2
quote:
Alcohol makes emotions more extreme so drinking when you're feeling down is going to make it much much worse.
I agree with this. I had to establish hard limits when drinking in public (4 drinks) and when drinking alone (2) because it is so easy to slip deep into a dark spiral. You think the alcohol will take the pain away or let you forget for a little while, but it does the exact opposite. It's a slip n slide straight into depression.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:08 am to ChenierauTigre
quote:
Then take a trip by yourself and do whatever YOU want.
This also helped me a ton. After we had broken up, but a couple weeks before I moved out, I got in my car and drove west on a spontaneous road trip. I went to San Antonio, Santa Fe, and then up to Denver to visit some old friends. It was a really awesome trip...until I had to start driving home. I have never dreaded something more in my life than having to drive back and face my collapsing marriage and finish packing up my junk to move back in with my parents. I, of course, got a speeding ticket in Kansas on the way back and blew my whole budget. However, up until the day I had to start driving back, it was the best trip I'd ever taken. It was awesome stopping whenever I wanted, seeing whatever I wanted, eating whatever I wanted (my ex had a lot of food allergies and was a picky eater to boot).
If you do nothing else, I recommend going on a trip alone and seeing some things you've always wanted to see. It's a great way to get some solid introspection and remember who you are without your spouse, who you were, who you will become.
This post was edited on 4/22/19 at 9:44 am
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:09 am to redstick13
quote:
It took me right up to the time that my ex poisoned and killed my dog.
That's some Fatal Attraction shite right there. Sounds like a nut job
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:13 am to joeytiger
quote:
No pics of ex wife
No free advice
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:29 am to joeytiger
The only advice I can give you is not to blame yourself for what happened. I did that for awhile even though it was my ex-husband who cheated.
I was only married for 5 years and have no children, so I can't imagine what you are going through. But I did just say a prayer for you.
I was only married for 5 years and have no children, so I can't imagine what you are going through. But I did just say a prayer for you.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:38 am to Diver Diva
quote:
The only advice I can give you is not to blame yourself for what happened. I did that for awhile even though it was my ex-husband who cheated.
Same here. To be a little ego-centric is human. We like to believe that everything that happens to us or those we love is somehow our fault. Sometimes it's not. Unless you cheated first or physically abused her, there is absolutely nothing you could have done differently to prevent your SO from cheating on you short of killing her. There is simply no excuse for that kind of behavior. You can be noble, you can be a gentleman, you can do all the little things right, you can pick flowers, leave sweet little notes, remember birthdays and anniverseries, go gangbusters on knowing where she wants to eat before she does, etc, and still end up getting dumped. Your SO can still end up being a cheater.
You need to let go of your guilt. You didn't make this happen. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It is a GOOD thing that this is ending because it was not going to work out. It was doomed from the start, no matter how good it looked on paper. And, that's ok. It's ok to be imperfect. It's ok to hurt. It's ok to be lonely. It's a big part of being human.
Before anyone else can love you, you have to relearn to love yourself. Before you can love yourself, you have to get rid of that shame and that guilt you feel over your marriage falling apart. It wasn't your fault, buddy. This is the start of a better life, it just won't start right away.
This post was edited on 4/22/19 at 10:05 am
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:46 am to kingbob
quote:
Before anyone else can love you, you have to relearn to love yourself. Before you can love yourself, you have to get rid of that shame and that guilt you feel over your marriage falling apart.
How true and very eloquently stated.
I caught my ex-husband literally with his pants down at his office with one of his nurses. After the anger wore off, I started blaming myself for not making him happy.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:48 am to Diver Diva
What have you done since? How long did it take you to start feeling better?
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:55 am to kingbob
quote:
What have you done since? How long did it take you to start feeling better?
When it happened I immediately moved out. After a few months I calmed down and started considering reconciliation, thinking he had an isolated moment of weakness. Then I found out he had actually fathered a two year old child with the nurse in question. That was it for me.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 9:56 am to Diver Diva
quote:
Then I found out he had actually fathered a two year old child with the nurse in question.
Yeah, I think that would do it for me too
Granted, I don't know how she could have hidden a pregnancy from me. My ex weighed 100lbs soaking wet.
This post was edited on 4/22/19 at 9:58 am
Posted on 4/22/19 at 10:10 am to kingbob
quote:
Yeah, I think that would do it for me too
My job takes me out of town frequently, so I was blaming myself. But when I agreed to marry him it was with the understanding that I was not going to give up my career (until we had children). But when it turned out he had another "wife" and child on the side, I was done with it.
He kept the big house in Charleston and I took the beach house here in Florida, which is where I live now. My attorney wanted me to go for more, but I just wanted out.
Posted on 4/22/19 at 10:11 am to Diver Diva
quote:
I took the beach house here in Florida
I think you did alright
Any chance we could discus the grieving process in person at said beach house...preferably over some frozen pina coladas?
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