re: Trashy or not? I threw down on my mother tonight on the phone

Don't understand the downvotes, but regardless I am both impressed by your devotion as a parent to such a needful young adult and your striving to give her a better life.

You weren't very clear about where your sister lives. If she lives closer to your mother it makes sense and should possibly not be seen as such as you seem to feel about it.

I have no idea what it is like raising an autistic child. If there is anyway to explain to her why her grandparents can't make it where she understands the situation I would do so. Otherwise I understand fully why you would be upset.

I don't envy your situation at all, but applaud your being a fricking awesome parent.