How do you balance between being good to people and not doing so to protect yourself?

quote:

---

It seems the more a guy is a dick or cold to people they atleast get respect.

---

Mingo is a dick and nobody respects him.

quote:

---

If you are too nice, they think you are stupid and take advantage.

---

that's on you. You only get taken advantage of because you let someone do so.

quote:

---

I'm talking about, as the saying goes, nice guys finish last. Never fails.

---

OK, so you're the type who believes in the old saying "No good deed goes unpunished".

Not a great way to go through life.

We must run in different circles because if someone is being a "dick" as you say or cold to me, then I have no need to associate with them and they get NO respect from me.

I do nice things for people who I think deserve them and have not been looked on as being stupid or having been taken advantage of. If that's the vibe you're feeling, then that's on you.

Stop being "good" to people as a form of people pleasing. When people inevitably aren't grateful enough, you're going to get bitter. Be "good" to people because it follows your own internal code. The reward is internal, not external.

I just try to do what I think is right. Seems to be working ok so far. Have I conquered the world yet? No. Could I make more money if I decided that was all I cared about? Yes. Could I conquer the world if that was all I cared about? Maybe. Would I have the family I have now if I did any of that? No.

I sleep well at night with the decisions I make every day, just trying to do what's right. I'll keep on doing that.

You're right but i get super annoyed when my family doesn't reciprocate goodness or appreciation or generosity. I don't care what kind of a-hole anyone else wants to be, but I'm not trying to raise the typical a-hole.

Nice guys finish last in your short term on the hell that is earth, but not in the afterlife of eternity.

With a lot of people, I just anticipate disappointment and factor that into my dealings with them.

The worst ones are those idiots who think they are far smarter than everyone around them, are clearly out to raze the world to the ground in the name of their own bank account, and put on that cheesy front of trying to be a good person. It seems like a raggedy existence to me of constantly worrying about money above all else.

A mans gotta do whatever helps him sleep better at night.

Take pride in being nice. No one ever stood around at a funeral and lovingly remembered someone for how much of an a-hole he was. They will remember you for your kindness. Go out of your way to help others and if people don't respect that, then you are looking to immature children for validation. Genuine people respect kindness, and most importantly, Jesus teaches it.

I have a lot of thoughts on this one. I, like you, believed nice guys finish last. As I have moved up in my career, I have realized that I co-inflated being nice with being a people pleasing person with a lack of boundaries. I am perfectly nice, and will give someone truly in need everything I have. That being said, I will not let people walk over me, and I will give people the same energy they give me, albeit with more tact. I have also figured out that, realistically, everyone will not like you. People are petty creatures at times, and it's not my job to fix them. As a leader, I will never, ever ask something of my employees that I won't do myself, and I'll be polite but honest with my employees and bosses. Critique in private, praise in public.

A great example of this is door to door salesmen. I respect the balls it takes to go door to door, and will be polite. I usually interrupt them politely during the first part of their rehearsed speech and let them know I'm not interested, and will reiterate once they do the "well let me ask you this". If they push back after that, I then tell them to get off my property and shut the door in their face. It's not rude at that point, because I gave ample opportunity to end before conflict, and they were rude for continuing to take my time from me.

He's lost his fastball recently, but to me this Jordan Peterson speech (maybe a mix of a couple but still) adequately describes what we as men should be - YouTube - Jordan Peterson "Be a Monster"

Have a business in the hood and deal with those people for a few years and you'll quickly not give a shite what people think of your personality.

You either don't trust anyone or you end up taken advantage of or dead. Look them in the eyes to tell them that you're not a stupid soft target. Always carry. And never put up with their stupid shite. It's the same when I'm at a gas station or grocery store parking lot and some meth head tries to approach me.

I don't owe any stranger that walks up to me courtesy.