The stars are out in full force between the world's best players and the Internet's best soccer fans. The attire for the evening is... well, lacking in some areas. But what else did you expect?

Let's get right to the action tonight with all the Soccer Awards. Thanks to all who voted, as we had the biggest turnout of all-time. (Don't get carried away though, this is only the second time I've ever bothered to do this.)

Here they are, starting with the grandaddy of them all...

The winner for Best Team is... Real Madrid.

quote:
Real Madrid: 35%
FC Barcelona: 30%
Leicester City: 17.5%
Atletico Madrid: 15%
Dynamo Kyiv: 2.5%

Accepting this award on behalf of Real Madrid are midfielders Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale.

[Ronaldo and Bale each try to take the trophy from the presenter at the same time. Bale finally gets control of it, and Ronaldo dives onto the stage floor, clutching his knee. He also takes off his shirt for some reason.]

Up next, Most Entertaining Team. And 2 Chainz Soccer Board Award goes to... Leicester City.

quote:
Leicester City: 52.5%
Borussia Dortmund: 27.5%
Real Madrid: 15%
AS Roma: 5%
West Ham United: 0%

Accepting this award for Leicester City is forward Jamie Vardy.

[Vardy, clearly hammered, starts his acceptance speech, but things quickly get racially charged. Security tackles him before he starts to sing a song he wrote about Asians.]

And now we go to the Most Underrated Team award. The winner is... Atletico Madrid.

quote:
Atletico Madrid: 32.5%
West Ham United: 22.5%
Villarreal: 20%
Leicester City: 15%
FC Dallas: 7.5%
FC Astana: 2.5%

Accepting this award on behalf of Atletico Madrid is Soccer Board poster Caplewood.

[Caplewood accepts the award and holds his high in the air, screaming "frick Barthelona!" before leading the audience in Iceland's Viking clap celebration.

And now, Most Disappointing Team. And the winner, in an absolute landslide, is... Chelsea.

quote:
Chelsea: 55%
Arsenal and Everton: 10%
Aston Villa, Manchester City, Manchester United and Zenit: 5%
Newcastle United and Wolfsburg: 2.5%
Olympique Marseille: 0%

Accepting this award for Chelsea is... no one. It will probably rust up here on stage.

[close-up shot of a sad trophy]

We now move on to the Match of the Season award, which goes to... Liverpool 4, Borussia Dortmund 3 in the Europa League.

quote:
Liverpool 4, Borussia Dortmund 3: 42.5%
Atletico Madrid 2, Barcelona 0: 27.5%
Chelsea 2, Tottenham 2: 22.5%
Newcastle United 5, Tottenham 1: 5%
Malmo 2, Celtic 0: 2.5%

Accepting this award for Liverpool is manager Jurgen Klopp.

[Klopp storms the stage and grabs the microphone like a mad man, giving that serial killer smile as he rambles in half-English and half-German about gegenpressing and walking alone and all that.]

Now we go to Manager of the Season, and that will go to who else but... Claudio Ranieri.

quote:
Claudio Ranieri: 82.5%
Diego Simeone: 12.5%
Thomas Tuechel: 5%
Luciano Spalletti: 0%

[Ranieri somehow finds a way to get Klopp off the stage to accept his award, which he does with modesty, a brief pushing of his glasses up on his nose, and a blistering counter-attack.]

Now let's turn it to Goal of the Season. And the winner is... Jamie Vardy vs. Liverpool.

quote:
Jamie Vardy vs. Liverpool: 40%
Xherdan Shaqiri vs. Poland: 17.5%
Dele Alli vs. Crystal Palace and Eden Hazard vs. Tottenham: 10%
Alessandro Florenzi vs. FC Barcelona and Saul vs. Bayern Munich: 7.5%
Neymar vs. Villarreal: 5%
Blas Perez vs. Chicago Fire: 2.5%
Luis Suarez vs. Arsenal and Maxi Urruti vs. San Jose Earthquakes: 0%

[Vardy tries to get back on stage while screaming all manner of racial slurs, but he is restrained. The award is tossed down to him, and he somehow volleys it all the way across the venue.]

Now we transition back to the player awards, starting with Best Overall Player. And the winner is... Cristiano Ronaldo.

quote:
Cristiano Ronaldo: 67.5%
N'Golo Kante: 15%
Luka Modric: 12.5%
David Alaba: 5%
Paulo Dybala: 0%

[Ronaldo, still shirtless, miraculously is able to sprint his way onto the stage and flex as he receives the award. Many Soccer Board posters faint.]

Up next, the Most Entertaining Player. The 2 Chainz Soccer Board Award goes to... Riyad Mahrez.

quote:
Riyad Mahrez: 32.5%
Lionel Messi: 25%
Dmitri Payet and Jamie Vardy: 10%
Cristiano Ronaldo: 7.5%
Benny Feilhaber and Hulk: 5%
Thomas Muller and Sergio Ramos: 2.5%
Arturo Vidal: 0%

[Mahrez steps to the podium and gives a lovely acceptance speech. Teammate Jamie Vardy, from the back, screams there wasn't enough (CENSORED) in it.

Now we go to the Most Underrated Player award, which was won by... in a tight race... Miralem Pjanic.

quote:
Miralem Pjanic: 27.78%
Dmitri Payet: 22.22%
Keylor Navas: 19.44%
Sacha Kljestan: 13.89%
Hakan Calhanoglu: 11.11%
Tommy McNamara: 5.56%
Quincy Promes: 0%

[As Pjanic makes his way to the stage for the award, wm72 is shown in the crowd lighting celebratory flares.]

Up next, we have the Most Disappointing Player award, which was won in another landslide by... Chelsea's own Eden Hazard.

quote:
Eden Hazard: 72.22%
Radamel Falcao: 19.44%
Ventura Alvarado, Timmy Chandler and Michael Orozco: 2.78%
Edin Dzeko: 0%

[The presenter puts the award next to Chelsea's most disappointing team award. The sad music from Charlie Brown's Christmas special plays.]

This post was edited on 7/26/16 at 7:14 pm

***The 2016 2 Chainz Soccer Board Awards Show*** [NIGHT 2 IS NOW LIVE]

The 2016 2 Chainz Soccer Board Awards Show [NIGHT 2 IS NOW LIVE]