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re: Possible life changing decision on the horizon

Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:38 am to
Posted by Ex-Popcorn
Member since Nov 2005
2127 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:38 am to
quote:

Im not. But my father is not, and was not, a bad father. Presence doesn't make one a good father.


First, he'll probably never tell you, but he has a ton of regret for not being around. If he doesn't, he was not a good father. By definition.

Second, I'm not saying presence automatically makes you a good father. I am saying lack of presence automatically makes you a bad father. By definition.
Posted by Black n Gold
Member since Feb 2009
15407 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:39 am to
Men shape their son's lives in more ways than a person can begin to measure.
Posted by GaryMyMan
Shreveport
Member since May 2007
13498 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:39 am to
quote:

Some of these "take the money so you can buy your kid more stuff cause that's as good as time together" posters. Should post their age and parental history


And some of you "Don't even think about it!" folks should post your fricking jobs and income.

This might be the most self-righteous, bullshite-laden thread in OT history.
This post was edited on 3/5/15 at 10:41 am
Posted by VetteGuy
Member since Feb 2008
28075 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:40 am to
This may have been covered, but would there ever be an opening in Austin?
Posted by Old Sarge
Dean of Admissions, LSU
Member since Jan 2012
55217 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:42 am to
Industrial sales and enough.

Kids don't care about money and things. The wealthiest business owners I know are also some if the most miserable.
This post was edited on 3/5/15 at 10:46 am
Posted by USMCTiger03
Member since Sep 2007
71176 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:42 am to
Bless you bro, that's a very tough decision. I hope it works out for you.
Posted by dante
Kingwood, TX
Member since Mar 2006
10669 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:43 am to
As a divorced dad with 2 boys, all I can say is...no amount of money would have been worth being 3.5 hours away from kids. I would have missed out on too many of their daily activities from practices to games.

I don't think they would have resented me for moving under the circumstances you explained, but the guilt I would have felt would not have allowed me to enjoy having the "dream job".

Being very close(proximity) and spending time with your kid eases their pain of being divorced. Especially for a child as young as 7.......of course this is only my opinion based on my situation....not yours.
Posted by yellowfin
Coastal Bar
Member since May 2006
97614 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:43 am to
I'd pick time with my kids over a job every day


eta: and my kids are little shits
This post was edited on 3/5/15 at 10:43 am
Posted by TexasTiger1185
New Orleans
Member since Sep 2011
13070 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:43 am to
My job is to be a father. To be involved in my son's life every day. To teach him how to be a good kid and then a good man. To attend his sporting events, or theater or band or whatever he does.
Also to provide for him. This doesn't require being rich. However all of those first paragraph require me to be present.
Posted by Mr. Wayne
Member since Feb 2008
10047 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:43 am to
quote:

Any of you ever faced a decision like this? How did you handle it?


I stayed in your situation. There are afternoons when I'm paying bills that I think I made a huge mistake and how much easier my financial situation would be. Then there is the other 99% of the time that I am with my son and know that I made the right choice. It's completely up to you. If you have been the constant in your son's life, sounds like it with the 60-70% comment, I wouldn't do it in your shoes. He has already dealt with the divorce/seperation, now he is going to have his primary parent seemingly bail on him.

Question for you. You say his mom isn't a bad parent, but also say you have him 60-70% of the time. What mother, in the same town, allows the father more time with the child than her? Is it a work situation, or does she just want more freedom than 50/50 provides? If it's the freedom angle, you absolutely fight for custody. Being that the kid is accustomed to being with you more than the mom, she would likely be the one with weekends and holidays in that scenario. Worst case, you sit down with her and kick the tires. She may not mind giving up an extra 10% of time with him if you are willing to drive him majority of the way every weekend and are flexible in the Summer and for holidays. Also, talk to your son. He's 7, but he needs to feel like you are taking his feelings into account.
Posted by GaryMyMan
Shreveport
Member since May 2007
13498 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:45 am to
quote:

Industrial sales and way more than you can imagine.


You further my point. You're exactly the type of armchair quarterback who can't empathize. What if he's going from $50,000 income to $100,000+?

quote:

Kids don't care about money and things.

Of course not, but in 10 years lil Austin Cajun will be headed to college, hopefully. What if the Houston job meant he could pay tuition?
This post was edited on 3/5/15 at 10:49 am
Posted by Oates Mustache
Member since Oct 2011
22049 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:46 am to
3 hours doesn't seem like a long distance/time away to some of you, and for the most part that's true.

Except in an emergency situation. If his son has some sort of medical emergency and he can't get there in time and something bad happens, he'll have a lifetime of regrets.

That would be my only major concern about the distance.
Posted by Wayne Campbell
Aurora, IL
Member since Oct 2011
6364 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:47 am to
quote:


First, he'll probably never tell you, but he has a ton of regret for not being around. If he doesn't, he was not a good father. By definition.

Second, I'm not saying presence automatically makes you a good father. I am saying lack of presence automatically makes you a bad father. By definition.



He has told me. Why wouldn't he? But what the frick does it matter if he has regrets or not, by your "definition" he's already a bad father. So frick your judgemental self six ways from Sunday.

My father would have had regrets either way. But would I have been better served to have my dad around a little more often but he was completely miserable the whole time. I don't think so.

My sister and I turned out perfectly fine from our situation. And my parents making the decisions they did provided us with a lot of opportunities we wouldn't have otherwise had.
Posted by ZereauxSum
Lot 23E
Member since Nov 2008
10176 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:47 am to
quote:

And some of you "Don't even think about it!" folks should post your fricking jobs and income.


I think most of what you're seeing are responses to the "you can provide a better life for your son" posters.

No he can't. Not necessarily anyway.

I'm not saying the OP couldn't make it work to where his son doesn't miss out, but if he tries to do it by throwing money at the void he leaves in Austin, he will fail. Guaranteed.
Posted by Lago Tiger
Lago Vista Tx
Member since Jan 2011
1069 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:47 am to
I have a 10y/o son and I enjoy every minute I can spend with him . I work 50-60 hrs a lot of weeks but I can come home to my family and this is what refuels me . It seems like he was 5 yesterday . Companies can and will replace you in a minute . Your son can't .
Posted by jvilletiger25
jacksonville, fl
Member since Jan 2014
16989 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:49 am to
I'm dealing with the same thing now. I could move back to Alabama and triple my salary within 5 years. I would have to leave my boys 5 hours aways though. I just don't think I could do that, even though I really could use the extra money.
Posted by Old Sarge
Dean of Admissions, LSU
Member since Jan 2012
55217 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:49 am to
I've been on both sides of the income equation. I also had custody of my kids from my first marriage. Ex wife did what OP is considering, those kids are now almost adults and they resent her for it. A nice trip once a summer doesn't make up for missing ball games, skinned knees, playing catch ect.

I'm not trying to be an arse, please don't take my post that way. My point is that many here have actual real life experiences with similar situations.
This post was edited on 3/5/15 at 10:52 am
Posted by USMCTiger03
Member since Sep 2007
71176 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:50 am to
quote:

Presence doesn't make one a good father.

Yes, but absence (voluntarily) makes one a bad father, generally.
Posted by yellowfin
Coastal Bar
Member since May 2006
97614 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:50 am to
calm down


let's talk about your dad issues
Posted by dnm3305
Member since Feb 2009
13548 posts
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:50 am to
quote:

How is this kid supposed to go to school if he's in Houston and Austin 70/30? You're not taking into account the stress on the child. He wants to have friends too


He moves to Houston with his Dad. Then gets every other weekend with the mother and then most of the summer time, school holidays, etc. It can work.
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