re: divorce court question

A little (actually, lot) of both. ... I think you're asking if you can be charged with adultery if you start "dating" someone after papers have been filed & you're living separately, thereby being "legally separated." It is my understanding, in LA, you're free to do that without repercussions. It was put to me by my attorney that the only thing you can't do legally at that point is get remarried. I did have a stipulation, & still do, that no children are to be present at any "sleep overs" with a parent & someone of the opposite sex. ...

In my case, his affair had been going on before I filed, but I didn't know about it, for sure, until after I filed when he was caught red-handed, at which point, I discussed with my attorney the pros/cons of amending the papers to include adultery. For me, it was a much more effective negotiating tool in the amount of spousal support, child support, etc. that I received. ...

I don't know what state you're in, but I definitely suggest consulting with an attorney in your state to find out exactly what the laws are. I wouldn't do anything that I was unsure of without speaking to an attorney.

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I think you're asking if you can be charged with adultery if you start "dating" someone after papers have been filed & you're living separately, thereby being "legally separated." It is my understanding, in LA, you're free to do that without repercussions

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Note: this is not legal advice

when i had this come up with a client i didn't know the answer and i asked a bunch of family law attorneys. they all said the same thing: that once you file, it doesn't matter. it didn't come up in my case and i did no official legal research, but their opinions were pretty strong

Note: this is not legal advice

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I did have a stipulation, & still do, that no children are to be present at any "sleep overs" with a parent & someone of the opposite sex. ...

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that's very standard and part of almost every joint custody plan offered by courts across the state

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For me, it was a much more effective negotiating tool in the amount of spousal support, child support, etc. that I received. ...

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yes if you're receiving ISS, it makes no sense whatsoever to rush the divorce

the only time i've seen it work here is if it's a tool that both parties want to use and the cheater will testify in open court

i actually did one when i first went out on my own and after i told my friends i did it they were shocked. most had never gotten to do one

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the only time i've seen it work here is if it's a tool that both parties want to use and the cheater will testify in open court

i actually did one when i first went out on my own and after i told my friends i did it they were shocked. most had never gotten to do one

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It was actually pretty funny in my case because my ex, who was caught every way possible, being the classic narcissist that he is, would rather walk over slivers of glass barefoot than to admit to it to some judge he doesn't even know. He never in a million years would have admitted anything in open court, even though he did to me. ... That's a pretty good trick to get the cheater to admit fault in court.

My suggestion would be for your friend to go back to his attorney & ask him to spell it out, in detail, since your friend's attorney is familiar with the specifics & circumstances of his case. I'm pretty sure attorneys who post here want to be careful not to appear that they're giving legal advice, understandably.

In general, just based on what my attorney stated to me, there aren't repercussions for having a gf/bf after papers have been filed & parties are living separately. There are a couple of other attorneys here (I think) who agree. (See Slow Flo Pro's response.)

This is another response, posted by Spiderman on the first page that is very similar to what I was advised ...

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The original petition can be amended (or answered w/ reconventional demand) to allege a divorce based on adultery. Moving party can then put on evidence of adultery (even if it occurs after the original filing) at the hearing and be granted an immediate divorce.

Adultery after filing of the initial petition cannot be used as a basis for fault in determining final spousal support.

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This is where it gets confusing/murky to me: Evidently, a divorce is granted quicker when adultery is proven in court, but it does not affect the amount of spousal support determined by the court. That is based mostly on income, living expenses, if both or only one is working, etc. So, it truly doesn't matter, in the grand scheme of things, whether adultery is charged/proven in determining amount of support. The court isn't going to give one party everything even if adultery is proven. They both must be able to survive. I think that's a major misconception of a lot of people.

Your friend definitely needs to discuss issues of spousal support & what it might/might not mean for him in more detail with his attorney since his wife is now alleging adultery. Also, if I were him, to be on the safe side, I wouldn't spend the night with the gf until after this is settled, whether it be through court or not, & definitely would not have a minor child involved in any of it - even having the gf around the child - until it all gets settled.

Honestly, imo, it is immensely more beneficial to both parties & the children to negotiate, in very specific detail, as much as possible, and avoid going to court, assuming there are no child custody issues.

The cause of the breakup of the marriage must happen before the divorce petition is filed, to be considered "fault." Things that happen after someone filed are not relevant for fault.

Even if she gets a divorce based on adultery, or she proves in a fault hearing that he committed adultery before the petition was filed, the only result is that he cannot collect alimony from her ever.

in order to prove entitlement to alimony, you must prove that you were not at fault in the breakup of the marriage.

if wife was a habitual drunk and he moved paige (sorry paige, i don't even know you, you're just low hanging fruit around here) into guest room and spent his nights blissfully with her, wife can get a divorce on adultery, but should not get final support because of being a drunk.

there are two types of spousal support in La. interim spousal support starts at judicial demand (filing lawsuit asking for it) and ends no later than 6 months after divorce. fault is not an issue here, only maintaining the same standard of living if there's enough $$ do do so.

final spousal support begins when a fault hearing is had and the requester is found to be without fault. final is not forever automatically anymore, and it is based on subsistence, not standard of living.

so, if wife asks for spousal support and gets divorce quickly based on adultery, she may end up with less support, or none, if she cannot prove lack of fault.

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As soon as you're legally separated

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Except, in Louisiana, "legally separated" does not exist, at least it didn't 15 years ago.

Courts will always side with the crazy wife, not matter what she did, UNLESS it had to do with drugs. Divorce laws are so fricking stupid.

Napolean...sounds like you been there done that..Lolol or about to be..hahha

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Gf has never met child but they have spent nights together I'm sure when child is woth mom...he doesn't care because his wife is a pos and is gonna get custody of his kid anyway(wife is unstable, very unstable)

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You might want to tell "your friend" not to be so sure about that custody thing, & to go re-read your thread on this same subject from about a month & a half ago. Generally, in determining who the "pos" is in a custody battle, screwing someone else immediately after papers are filed, & particularly before (which I'm starting to think is the case here, therefore the constant worry & threads on the subject) might just have an effect on the deciding judge.


I've linked your prior thread for you/him ...
LINK


Some notable quotes from your prior thread ...

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I mean is it against the law or not?

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It's not against the law, but it's stupid.

He's free to do whatever he wants so long as he is prepared to suffer the consequences of his actions. A good father would value the impressions of his child during an already traumatic time rather than his own flights of fancy. A judge will take notice of this when assigning visitation.

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.the guy seeing a new woman will not affect the kid if he isnt seeing her during his custodial times...doesnt make sense

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Speaking as someone whose parents divorced when he was 6, I can tell you this isn't the case

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And speaking as a mother of an adolescent/young teenaged child who has been through this, I can absolutely tell you this is not the case.

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Was told that seeing other people doesnt affect custody, only alimony

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I wouldn't know if that's the case or not, my experience is with Missouri law and up here, that's the way it works. Unfortunately I can't offer further insight with that, but you probably realized that the O-T is not a legitimate source of legal advice.

To put it bluntly, seeing another woman cannot possibly be a benefit, and likely will harm the divorce proceedings, the father-child relationship, the spousal relationship, and quite possibly the relationship with the new woman.

Unless the woman in question is Selma Hayek, the potential for reward involved is certainly not worth the potential for harm.

That's the best I can offer. It's neither illegal nor ethical.

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Just going to leave this here and hope your friend makes the right decision.

quote: The court shall consider all relevant factors in determining the best interest of the child. Such factors may include:
(1) The love, affection, and other emotional ties between each party and the child.
(2) The capacity and disposition of each party to give the child love, affection, and spiritual guidance and to continue the education and rearing of the child.
(3) The capacity and disposition of each party to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, and other material needs.
(4) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, adequate environment, and the desirability of maintaining continuity of that environment.
(5) The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes.
(6) The moral fitness of each party, insofar as it affects the welfare of the child.
(7) The mental and physical health of each party.
(8) The home, school, and community history of the child.
(9) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient age to express a preference.
(10) The willingness and ability of each party to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and the other party.
(11) The distance between the respective residences of the parties.
(12) The responsibility for the care and rearing of the child previously exercised by each party. Acts 1988, No. 817, §2, eff. July 18, 1988; Acts 1990, No. 361, §1, eff. Jan. 1, 1991; Acts 1993, No. 261, §1, eff. Jan. 1, 1994.

Article 134

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Maybe "your friend" should start worrying about his kid & stop fretting so much about if he's going to get slammed in court for screwing his gf. It seems, based on your threads, being able to shack up with said gf without getting nailed for it, pun intended, is his only concern. And if I can see it, no doubt a judge can. ... Good luck with all that.