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Being present at the end for a loved one. What's too young?
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:00 pm
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:00 pm
My ex is on my arse because I don't think our 13 y/o should be there at the end for her mother. What does the OT say?
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Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:01 pm to bamarep
(no message)
This post was edited on 2/13/15 at 12:03 pm
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:01 pm to bamarep
The 13yos mother or the exMIL?
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:01 pm to bamarep
You're an arse. Let the kid have closure.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:02 pm to bamarep
Let her choose. She's old enough to know whether she wants to be there or not.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:02 pm to bamarep
Let the kid be there
Builds character
Builds character
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:03 pm to bamarep
Four might be too young. Definitely not ur situation.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:03 pm to bamarep
That's a tough one. Death isn't pretty, and I guess it depends on what's the cause of death, and if you think the 13yo could handle it.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:04 pm to bamarep
quote:
My ex is on my arse because I don't think our 13 y/o should be there at the end for her mother. What does the OT say?
better let the kid make the call because if you do, she'll always hold it against you and the ex will never let her or you forget it
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:04 pm to bamarep
It's a pretty powerful experience. I was 17ish when my grandfather passed and it was intense. I would just ask her what she wanted to do and explain the situation
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:05 pm to bamarep
Unless the 13 year old specifically wants to, I say no. No need to witness that. Let them have good memories, not scary or disturbing ones.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:06 pm to CorkSoaker
quote:
Let them have good memories, not scary or disturbing ones.
don't think that would scar them, plus, you can't shield them forever
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:07 pm to 777Tiger
First, it's a he. He didn't deal with the trauma of my and his mother's divorce very well is the major reason I'm reluctant. Plus, I don't want the last image of his Nana to be what cancer has done to her.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:07 pm to 777Tiger
It's not easy watching your elderly grandparents take their last breath. It may not scar them but it's certainly not something you forget
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:08 pm to bamarep
It's all about how you and the 13 yr old handle the situation. I wouldn't force them to watch the passing but I would not forbid them from watching what they think they could handle and then explain it to them.
Life is not a cake walk and I don't think 13 is too young to know about life and death. Just my .02
Life is not a cake walk and I don't think 13 is too young to know about life and death. Just my .02
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:09 pm to bamarep
I said goodbye to my father on his death bed at age 9...
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:10 pm to bamarep
I was about 13 and saw my grandfather on his deathbed. It was sad but death is a part of life. I dont think 13 is too young to say good bye.
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:12 pm to bamarep
quote:
First, it's a he. He didn't deal with the trauma of my and his mother's divorce very well is the major reason I'm reluctant. Plus, I don't want the last image of his Nana to be what cancer has done to her.
sorry, don't know where I got she from, at a minimum he should be able to decide whether to see her a last time while she's alive, if still lucid, and maybe he will know what he wants to do from there, having gone through a similar experience, my ex definitely used that scenario to lay unwarranted guilt trips down, probably more traumatic than saying goodbye, good luck
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:12 pm to dualed
Frick no.
Cancer is ugly and disgusting and you could always have the bonus of the gasping
/choking/somebody just kill me last words for your kid to witness.
Death doesn't build character and it's just a bunch of pussies who think that.
Have your little guy write letters and put pictures of her when she was healthy around him. He doesn't need a spectre haunting his mind.
Watching people die fricks you up. There's no reason to force your kid through that.
Your ex sounds like a real fricking winner.
Cancer is ugly and disgusting and you could always have the bonus of the gasping
/choking/somebody just kill me last words for your kid to witness.
Death doesn't build character and it's just a bunch of pussies who think that.
Have your little guy write letters and put pictures of her when she was healthy around him. He doesn't need a spectre haunting his mind.
Watching people die fricks you up. There's no reason to force your kid through that.
Your ex sounds like a real fricking winner.
This post was edited on 2/13/15 at 12:14 pm
Posted on 2/13/15 at 12:13 pm to bamarep
quote:
First, it's a he. He didn't deal with the trauma of my and his mother's divorce very well is the major reason I'm reluctant. Plus, I don't want the last image of his Nana to be what cancer has done to her.
I was there at the end for my 22-year old brother-in-law who passed due to cancer. Let me tell you that witnessing him suffering was one of the toughest things I've ever experienced in my life. I was 27 years old and it hurt so much seeing him suffer. I wouldn't change a thing, and I'd be there by his side again.
But, I don't know if I would want a 13 year old to have to see what cancer does at the end. Seriously.
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