Any fights or drama at your family Christmas?

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My father in law got drunk last night and proceeded to tell me he hasn't got laid in 5 years

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My father in law got drunk last night and proceeded to tell me he hasn't got laid in 5 years

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We try to go to a restaurant as opposed to the traditional gathering, but many restaurants close on XMAS, which must be frustrating for Jesus, as he has to miss out on free desserts and the off key happy birthday chorus performed by less than enthusiastic employees as annoyed patrons at nearby tables gaze hatefully but with a hint of envy as they too would enjoy chocolate cake that may have been handled by the gloveless unwashed hands of Carl, the compulsive nose-picker on staff who secretly takes a bite of the uneaten rolls off the bussed plates as he inwardly yearns for a better life but doubts that it will come because he found out the hard way that late night porn surfing and video games instead of studying was a poor life choice, as few colleges of note are interested in admitting those whose academic prowess produced a 1.9 GPA coupled with a 13 ACT, but luckily, Logan's Steakhouse isn't Harvard, and for the foreseeable future he will be tainting John & Katy's first date dessert, but not Jesus', because his birthday is on XMAS, though historically inaccurate because all-night shepherding likely would have ended in September or early October due to the frigid night temperatures thereafter, but there remains the possibility that Jesus could in fact visit Logan's Steakhouse on a day other than XMAS and while his dessert may not be free, it could possibly still be contaminated by the mucous remnants of Carl, unless of course it was his day off, in which case his dessert may contain fecal contaminants instead, as Russel, who works when Carl is off, is known to suffer from chronic hemmorroids, with the symptoms including BOTH burning and itching.

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