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Started By
Message
Saturday afternoon joke thread
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:30 pm
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:30 pm
This week we found out my mom has breast cancer and dad may need a stent or bypass. Getting old sucks! I could use a few laughs. I'll go first...
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a bartender?
Santa Claus only has to look at eight a-holes.
TIA
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a bartender?
Santa Claus only has to look at eight a-holes.
TIA
This post was edited on 11/15/14 at 4:39 pm
6
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:31 pm to Stexas
*Assholes
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:33 pm to Stexas
I don't get it.
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:35 pm to cheesesteak501
8 vs a bar room full of them.
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:36 pm to Stexas
Are you calling Santa Claus an a-hole?
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:38 pm to stonedbegonias
quote:
Are you calling Santa Claus an a-hole?
No, the reindeer. Try to keep up!
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:47 pm to Stexas
What do you call a stupid joke about a pencil?
Pointless
Pointless
This post was edited on 11/15/14 at 4:58 pm
Posted on 11/15/14 at 4:58 pm to Stexas
What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
Wipes his butt.
Wipes his butt.
Posted on 11/15/14 at 5:42 pm to stonedbegonias
quote:
Posted by stonedbegonias What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wipes his butt.
Wow.
Posted on 11/15/14 at 5:57 pm to Stexas
What does a nosy pepper do?
Get jalapeño business
Get jalapeño business
Posted on 11/15/14 at 6:07 pm to Stexas
quote:
Getting old sucks!
It doesn't have to. I know a guy named Howard, a little over 90 years old. His wife Bessie died recently and although he's pretty spry for his age he decided to move into an assisted living facility.
Of course, a place like that is mostly women and many of them took a fancy to Howard, but he mostly just wanted to talk about Bessie for awhile.
One day though, Betty Sue got to talking with him in the garden where the residents could walk around and sit on a bench. She asked him what he missed the most about the "old days", and he got a curious grin. "Honestly, I miss sex a bunch."
Betty Sue retorted with "Ha! You probably can't even get it up anymore!" Howard admitted this was true, but after a small silence he said it would still feel nice if she would hold his manhood for a bit. Betty Sue giggled a bit, then smiled mischeviously and complied.
For six more weeks Howard and Betty Sue got together in the early afternoon for talk, reminiscing, and the holding of Howard's member. One day though, he was missing from the usual meeting spot.
Betty Sue got very worried and asked the staff if anything had happened. "No", they told her. So she scoured the main building and the grounds for over an hour. Then she finally found him ... with Emma Mae holding his tool, erect and proud just as it had been when he was a teenager!
Betty Sue was mad and let him know it. She cussed up a storm and finished with "Howard, what has Emma Mae got that I don't?"
Howard grinned ear to ear. "Parkinson's!"
Posted on 11/15/14 at 6:49 pm to foshizzle
Foshizzle for the win! 
Posted on 11/15/14 at 7:29 pm to Stexas
An old man goes in a Bar.
"Bartender.Something terrible has happened.I accidently cut my penis off.I've got it in my pocket."
Lays it on the Bar.
Bartender:"Sir that's a cigar."
Old Man:"It's worse than I thought."
"I smoked my Dick."
"Bartender.Something terrible has happened.I accidently cut my penis off.I've got it in my pocket."
Lays it on the Bar.
Bartender:"Sir that's a cigar."
Old Man:"It's worse than I thought."
"I smoked my Dick."
Posted on 11/15/14 at 9:19 pm to foshizzle
quote:
foshizzle
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