re: What's Your Best One-Liner Joke?

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other," You drive, I'll man the guns".

I got a parrot and it talked, but it did not say I’m hungry, so it died.

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

I was gonna have my teeth whitened, but then I said frick that, I’ll just get a tan instead.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus? Or just a really cool opotamus?

Hedberg = GOAT

I dont think I've ever told a joke in my life.

If I want to make people laugh I usually just tell a funny story about myself

What do people in Alabama do for Halloween? Pump-kin.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.

Have you seen the Broadway show "Dictionary?" It's a play on words.

I had some carefree sugarless gum, but I was still worried.

#10 is a Mitch hedberg joke, right?

Trident gum sugarless gum.

Do you quit when you're down to your last three teeth?

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up drinking...

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I heard this great joke about the Jonestown Massacre, but the punchline was too long....

My dyslexic uncle Bob is always spelling his name backwards.....

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally...

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere..

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair....

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Terrible. All of them.

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