re: Overstepping My Bounds?

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Don't listen to the arse hats that say dump your girlfriend. Step up and try to give these kids some guidance. They didn't choose to be be in this situation. Your help may change their lives forever. Don't know unless you try. You're a good man for even considering this. Hats off to you sir and best of luck to you and these children.

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Yea I'm just hoping to help the little dude. I've been dating this girl for years and really like these kids. I feel like their uncle already, and it just kills you the way they light up to have someone throw the baseball with them or shoot some hoops.

Last Christmas their dad sent them some absurd basketball goal and they were all excited but at the same time upset because usually they have to wait for one of their neighbors to get around to setting it up. I set it up that night and you woulda thought I built them an NBA arena when they woke up. They just lost it.

The grandma does a helluva job, and I don't want this shmuko to mess that up. It will also ruin her if he leaves as she's basically raised him as her own.

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Tough situation. Question I have is, suppose he decided he wanted to live with the dad: would the dad accept that? I guess I see it as a long shot that a POS who avoided his kid for his entire life would suddenly allow a teenager he barely knows to infiltrate his life; cramp his style, so to speak

Do y'all know for sure that the dad would even accept the kid choosing him? Because your conundrum might very well may be irrelevant.

Although that would raise an altogether different, necessary discussion to make sure this kid doesn't feel discarded

EDIT: Either way, before you do anything, you talk to the gf about it. If she feels a talk with the kid would be beneficial, then you can consider going for it. But you don't make this decision yourself.

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No I guess we don't know for sure if he would. I assume no one would turn down their own kid, but I guess there's a chance he would. This is something I'd also like to avoid if possible. I can't imagine what knowing your dad said no to you would do to a kid.

And yea I'll definitely talk to the gf about it first. I'm not that crazy haha.

(no message)

I get the feeling that the boy's dad is happy just throwing some cash his way...but I really doubt that he would want to deal with the real trials of parenting...I think that even if the boy did move in with his dad, it wouldn't last long and he would be back...

that said, do you think that what you say will really make a difference?...

Have you talked with the dad? I obviously don't know how your particular situation compares/contrasts with other deadbeat fathers, but it's usually a pretty safe bet that if a parent wants nothing to do with raising the kid when he's a baby/child, he likely won't want to be responsible for the kid as a teenager. It's also possible that he doesn't even realize this situation is coming up, as parents who sees their children only twice a year don't usually have the best grasp of the difficult decisions their children are faced with.

So if you were to make him aware of the impending decision to be made, and you were able to convince this man that his life would be better off without the kid constantly being in it (likely not difficult to do with a good plan going in, given the very limited information I have), he will likely be all to eager to help you convince the kid the stay with grandma.

But if you chose to go this route, you may consider speaking to a family therapist about the best way to have this discussion with him. Last thing you would want would be to "offend" the dad in this discussion and actually push him to have a desire to take the kid, even if only out of spite.

That said, I honestly think this would be a non-issue. People aren't quick to fundamentally change their lives for the sake of someone they have only been seeing a couple times a year for more than a decade.

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my girlfriend

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You're not the kid's parent and, as of now, just another male drifting in and out of his life.

Leave it to the kid's family.

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Overstepping My Bounds?

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You should be asking your gf and her mother what they think. It is their family.

I love reading threads like this

Makes me feel a lot better about my life

Pics of gf's sister?

I would talk to your girl first, if she says it's ok with her then talk to grandma. If you think the mom may be a factor you could discuss it with her as well unless she's truly a deadbeat.

Then casually ask him if he wants to talk about it blah blah, your door is always open and talk up how good he has it here.

If you talk shite about the dad, he will shut down.